Forget the curve ball. Give 'em the heater!

Friday, September 30, 2005

The Victors

Now my optimistic stance may land me in some trouble. My constant Kool-Aid drinking might give me a urinary track infection, but I have one more wide eyed, happy go lucky game left in me.

If Lloyd can lead the Maize and Blue into East Lansing, kick the tires and light the fires... I may hold out registering for another week.

Register for what, you ask? Why, it's none other than

If you're tired of all the anti-Lloyd banter, check here and scroll down.

For the rest of us... Is Saturday the apocalypse? Even if Mike Hart plays?


Everybody WANG-chung Tonight!

5+ hours till buddy Wang takes the mound against old friend Boomah Wells.

In my eyes, my biased pinstriped eyes, I see Wang and I see his heavy fastball/sinker. In that, I see someone who won't bow to the Red Sox pressure and I see someone who will go 7 innings, give up 3 runs and walk away with a win. A WANG win!

Tomorrow will be the day the that the Unit was brought to the Bronx for. A day in which he will be able to send the Yanks to the playoffs and maybe even eliminate the Saux. And he will do that. He will grimace and point and yell and be all grouchy and the Yanks will move on.

That leaves Sunday, Bloody Sock Sunday and Schilling trying to get the Sox into the playoffs. Maybe they'll win.

My pessimistic view has the Yanks losing tonight and then Schilling in all his loud mouthed glory walking into the canyon of heroes again.

But you know what, I'm optimistic and the Yanks have something the Sox don't... WANG!!!!!

(If nothing is locked up until Sunday - look for for Shawn Chacon to make some noise)


Red Light's Time to Shine

So less than a week ago I told Jon that the Yanks would enter this weekend with a one game lead over the Sox. How could I be so sure you say? Well with the Sox/Yanks its all about the Drama.

So let's just do some predictin. The Sox will win the first two games of the series, thus leaving the stage door open for the return of Curt "Red Light" Schilling to take the ball sunday afternoon and close the door on the Yanks. Now I am not saying the Yankee's won't make the playoffs, but I am making a GUARANTEE that the Sox will win the Al East.

Oh and the Gators go into Alabama on Saturday in what could become a defining game for the Gators (Funny wasn't Tennesse supposed to be that game?).

I got it Gators 24 - Alabama 20

- BL

Sports Hernia Jokes Rule

"Week 3 should be the week where you finally can understand teams and let's find out if we in fact understand anything at all."

What sage words those were, huh. Well, I guess we don't know nearly as much as we thought or maybe we do? After a car repossessing week of 3-11 for JG and 4-10 for BL, both of our records have dipped below .500. But no fear, Sports Fans, we're back with a vengeance. Three games seperate teams JG and BL and some big thangs could happen now.

As always HOME TEAMS are in CAPS and differing games are in BOLD and itallics.


BUCS -6.5 Detroit Lions
I believe this is my first Bucs pick of the year. Joey Harrington, divisional road game... I'll take the Caddy and Chuckie. -JG

Forget about the Cadillac this week, just focus on how the Bucs defense will eat Joey and his alligator armed WRs alive. I got the Bucs. -BL

TITANS +7.5 Indianapolis Colts
I can't figure out which Titans team we will see from week to week. The one who can't score or the one who can't stop other teams from scoring. Big spread for an outside away game but I like the Colts. -BL

The Colts haven't lived up to anything, but Pac-Man Jones is getting his first start at CB. Peyton's salivating. And that's really gross because he has no chin so that saliva is all of his jersey. Anyway, I'll take the Colts. -JG

SAINTS -1.5 Buffalo Bills
Well, I'll let you in on a little secret. Come a little closer. Ready? I heard David Robinson is going to suit up for the San Antonio Saints. Yup. I'll take the Saints. -JG

JP Losman or Aaron Brooks, like picking between a Kia and a unreliable Pontiac. Who wants either of these? I will go with the Bills for no other reason that Cornelius Griffin had one of the best nicknames ever, Biscuit. -BL

GIANTS -3.5 St. Louis Rams
Did anyone see the tight spiral LT threw on the Giants defense last week? If LT can do that then Bulger and Tory "Big Game" Holt should be in line for a big day. Give me (gulp) Martz and the Rams. -BL

Eli didn't seem fazed by the rabid San Diego fans. And let me tell you, they were rabid. I haven't seen anyone in San Diego get that mad since Brad was arrested and spent the night in prison without his shoes. Anyway, Rams getting points? Sounds weird. I'll take them. St Lou. -JG

SKINS -1.5 Seattle Seahawks
Can you say Clinton Portis TD? How bout 2? And Matt Hassel-blech against the vaunted Greggster's D. I like the Skins. -JG

Not only am I taking the Skins, but I will bet that Hasslebeck's concussion will be so bad he will think he is Steve Young. Skins baby. -BL

PATS -5.5 San Diego Chargers
New England at home. What else can I say? -JG

Wow was LT impressive in the Bolts win over the Giants. The Patriots sadly won't be as accomadating. Cliche Alert! No one is better than Belicheck at taking away your big weapons. Pats all the way. -BL

JAGS -4.5 Denver Broncos
Well I am officially on the Jags bandwagon, and this is a big statement game for the people of Duval County. Look for Big John Henderson and Uncle Jimmy Smith to use and abuse the hurting Broncos. -BL

I think it's just me, but I really don't give the Jags any credit whatsoever. For some reason, I just don't. With that said and the way the Broncos looked on Monday. I'll take the Snake. Go America and Go Broncos. -JG

BENGALS -9.5 Houston Texans
Who is going to stop Chad Johnson this year? Not even a rape trial in Eagle, Colorado could stop Chad from becoming the best WR in the AFC. Bengals 4 Life. -BL

The Carson express welcomes Houston and a TON of expectations and a bunch of points. I'll take the points cause the Texans can't be this bad, can they? -JG

RAVENS -7.5 New York Jets
Brooks Bollinger meet Ray and Ed and Terrell. But wait, is this the same Ravens that are 0-2 with a Jamal Lewis running for 50 yards in 2 games? J!E!T!S D will keep them around long enough. I'll take the points. -JG

This will be the second time Ray Lewis is witness to a homicide. Bring me the head of Brooks Bollinger. Ravens. -BL

CHIEFS -2.5 Philadelphia Eagles
Donovan has that bruise on his sternum, and what is known as a sports hernia. Lovely huh? Arrowhead is a tough place to win and the Chiefs need this game more than the Eagles. I got the crying Chiefs. -BL

McNabb has a sports hernia. I guess it really is hard to carry the Eagles AND TO's ego. ZING! Anyway, KC is as tough a home field advantage as you can find. KC calls TO over and gives it to him. -JG

FALCONS -5.5 Minnesota Vikings
I have that burning, yearning, churning feeling inside me! Whoa-oh, Mexico! Falcons. -JG

Atlanta plays well at home, and the Vikings still don't scare anyone with their defense. Look for Vick to do his typical run for 90 and pass for 190. Falcons baby. -BL

RAIDERS -3.5 Dallas Cowboys
Randy Moss and Joey Porter at WR and the Raiders still can't score over 14 points a game. Norv Turner will turn it around this week, otherwise its Just Resign Baby time in Oak-town. Give me the Silver and Black. -BL

Ready to get off the schnide, Oakland? Now's the time. Oaktown wins, Janikowski actually kicks a few FGs, Randy catches some passes. Has there ever been a matchup between two slower QBs, Bledsoe vs. Collins? Whatev, Black Hole! -JG

CARDS -2.5 San Francisco 49ers
Talk about a great Sunday Night Game! WOW! I can't wait for this one! YES! PUMPED! Wait, who's playing? Nothing says football like Josh McCown, I'm all over the Cards. -JG

It's a game for the ages, fathers wake up your sons and let them see history being made. It's time to flip a coin, and wouldn't you know it I got SF. -BL

PANTHERS -7.5 Green Bay Packers
A Monday Night must win for Favre. Yeah why not. If anything, I'll take the points. -JG

Green Bay is the Tara Reid of the NFL. Such promise, such a future, but in reality just a drunk whore with really great implants (Brett Favre for this pick). I hate Tara Reid and I hate the Pack this week. Foxy's Panthers. -BL


Season Standings:

JG 20-26
BL 17-29

Time To End This Once and For All

The end is near.


The TrooFF!

Responding to Mr. Ben...

I think Papi deserves the MVP. Who cares about playing in the field. All I know is Papi scares the bee-jesus out of me. When he steps to the plate, I expect the ball to go very, very far.

BUT (and notice a big BUT) Papi wears those blasted red socks, therefore, he does not deserve to get it.

The truth is Jason Giambi is the reason the Yanks have come back into this race. ARod's magic has happened throughout the season AND his one knock (low batting average with runners in scoring position) isn't that terrible. I believe it is a shade under .300. But you see, Giambi's hits have come at bigger moments than ARod.

The thing is, nobody would ever consider Giambi - so naturally ARod deserves it then.

In conclusion, Papi should win, Giambi is more deserving, but ARod NEEDS it more than the others.

Oh, and didn't ARod hit a game tying HR the other night, in the game in which the Yanks took a 1 game lead on the Saux?

Let's just go ahead and crown the MVP on Sunday!



David Ortiz is the AL MVP.

End of story, period, the end.

Big Papi showed again last night how much he has meant to the Red Sox this season as he hit the game tying homerun in the 8th inning, followed by the game winning single in the 9th. And yes he didn't make one defensive play the entire game.

Who else could voters pick this year for MVP? Vlad is always a popular pick, but after missing the early part of the season didn't players like Bartolo Colon and K-Rod push the Angels just as much?

A-Rod? No one has a better combination of baseball skills in the league, but no one has displayed them in such silence as A-rod. Can you name a definitive game where A-rod was the deciding factor? Jon I am calling you out here. Defend your boy, because to me Giambi's resurgence has been even more important than A-rod's mediocre brillance.

Big Papi is the AL MVP, and no better point is that the only real knock people put on Ortiz is that he is a fulltime DH. Well sorry all you NL purists, but the award recognizes Value, and dollar for dollar there hasn't been a better player in the American League than my Dominican bro, David "Big Papi" Ortiz.

- BL

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Classic Yankee Fan

Nothing says class like getting a Yankee Tattoo on your 18th birthday.

- BL

Angered OC Fan

The following is a rant by one of television's renowned watchers. To sum this reviewer up in a nutshell - he used his TiVo to see if he could spot Kelly Capowski's bra in a few episodes of Saved By The Bell.

Just saw last week's OC episode (which says a lot considering I used to never want to miss it). I must say this show has plummeted faster than any other high school series. At least with 90210 they removed stars in pieces until it actually didn't make any sense of the original plot.

This is almost as bad as Saved by Bell when the girl in the leather jacket joined them.

(editor's note - the leather jacket chick's name is Tori. She joined the cast when Kelly was "modeling" and Jesse was learning to take her clothes off. In real life she has an identical twin and, both, she and her twin had a role on Seinfeld. Also, both twins starred in none other than 90210 for the summer season where both Steve and Brandon go on a double date. Steve tries to pull a switch-a-roo, and it totally backfires on him.)

I honestly cant believe I was watching it. It really is soooo stupid and the plots are sooo out there its not even entertaining. I mean seriously, the Dean of the School keeps threatening them and trying to frame them to expel them? The nerdy girl who is trying to get them booted out of school? The dad coming back for 5 episodes to steal some money and then leaves. He was the good guy 1st season, now he's hated by Marissa. The dad was dead broke and no one knew. Wouldn't that mean that the Cohen's are poor since their money came from the Newport group? This whole show this season sucks and its annoying, because that should happened until they hit college.


San Diego and Miami, Kindred Spirits

During this week's Inside the NFL Tiki Barber had possibly the best comment of the week concerning the San Diego fans. The Chargers faithful were out in force for the Giants game as they tried to make Eli Manning pay for turning his back on San Diego in the draft.

So there are 50,000 people trying their best to rattle the G-Men, and Tiki can say "They don't realize we play in Philly every year". That reaction is really the best way to explain the fan base of San Diego and its sister city Miami on the east coast.

These two cities both have major sports teams, but no matter how hard they try or win, the fanbase seems apathetic towards their teams. Living in South Florida one can easily see why this is apparent. There is just too many other things people can be doing on the weekends than go to watch sports. It is a proven fact that the worse the city, the more rabid the fan base.

Look at a place like Lincoln, Nebraska where Cornhusker football is treated as the defacto religion. Could this possibly be because besides in Lincoln the only activity that doesn't involve fertilizer is football? People don't go to Green Bay for the resorts just as people don't go to Miami for the peace and quiet.

As long as their is the Pacific and the Atlantic the sports scene in Miami and San Diego will continue to be as relevant as the nightlife in Lincoln. Looking for Dolphin and Chargers fans this sunday? Check out the golf courses and beaches.

- BL

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Killer Kliff Kingsbury!

The NY Jets search for the "next" starting QB has taken an interesting turn. After being turned away by the Redskins for asking about Patrick Ramsey.

The Jets have turned to former Texas Tech Red Raider, Kliff Kingsbury. I know what you're thinking, Kliff Kingsbury, how was this guy still available? I mean, this is the same Kliff Kingsbury that threw for 5000 yards in 14 games.

Kleary Kliff Kingsbury=Winning

Move over Brooksie.

"On The Beat with Pete"
-Pete Nemchinov

Separated At Birth?

Sgt. Slaughter and Steelers Coach Bill Cowher.

FYI, Sgt. Slaughter was also a G.I. Joe.


Welcome to Miami Where the Playas Play

Well the Marlins have finally had it with that waste of space Miguel Cabrera, and they aren't going to take it anymore. It seems that Cabrera, a World Series hero and possibly the best young player in the league (Cabrera can play almost every position, while Pujols has already reached the injury level where only 1st will do) has what is being described as a bad work ethic.

Yeah while other Marlin players such as Jeff "Canine" Conine are shagging fly balls before the game Cabrera sits in the dugout and chats with his Venezualan brothers. So first there was the AJ Burnett flap, and now the Fish are taking Miggy to task for not being a "pro player".

Maybe the problem isn't that the players are acting like amateurs as much as that the Marlins are run like a AA team. Who can blame Cabrera for being disillusioned after being on a team many people were picking to win the NL East, who gets no support from management. Who did the Marlins pick up for the strech run? The Marlins front office is just unhappy because this season could have been the death blow to a new stadium deal in Miami.

I can solve all of this; Ladies and Gentlemen welcome to the 2006 season for your Las Vegas Lizards.

- BL

The Devil's Network

Living in New York City has some great benefits; There is the smell of sweat and feces in the West 4th Subway, the smell of urine at 44th and 8th ave, the sounds of horseshoes and bums in Central Park, the sound of asian tourists in Times Square, never having to drive home after your friend buys the table those double whiskey shots, and we even have our Yankees television station.

The YES Network.

There isn't a bigger collection of yes men and apologists since maybe Hitler's cabinet. Michael Kaye and his rotating seat of retired Yankee heroes spend three to four hours a night giving verbal blow jobs to anyone lucky enough to be wearing pinstripes.

Sheffield goes down on a called third strike, well it must have been a ball. Mussina doesn't get a call on a close pitch, the umpire must be at fault. Torre makes a routine sub, he is the second coming of Jesus Christ.

I can only imagine a Devil's Advocate scene where Michael Kaye walks into the blood red accented office of Fat King George. George only has one question.

"You got a set of kneepads?" Well strap them on Mikey, cause you are the official apologist for the New York Yankees.

- BL

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Miserable Ann

You’re the QB. The Man. Your team just lost the game, and even though there’s only 20+ ticks left on the clock, the odds are stacked against you. But here’s the thing, if you can muster up some magic, have a little luck, maybe even get a couple of lucky bounces, you will not only have a chance to win, but possibly carve your name into a long storied history of your program AND the league. You complete your first pass, BIG gain. Is this momentum? Your second pass could have been caught, but it wasn’t. And now it’s down to this, last play…echoes of Flutie or Kordell or “The Band is on the field...The Band is on the field!” Sweat drips down your nose. You hike the ball, roll left and…and…you fall flat to the ground. Game over.

Of course, there was more to the Michigan loss to Wisconsin. More to the fact that the offense, once again, couldn't get in from the goal line or maybe even that the play calling has become so stagnant (up the middle, up the middle, over the top, punt) or maybe this was in fact the moment that Wisconsin coach Barry Alvarez (pictured above) finally beat Lloyd Carr. But something seriously stinks in Ann Arbor and it isn't from the dumpster outside of Alice Lloyd Hall.

How bout the fact that Michigan isn't ranked for the first time since October of '98? Or how about the fact that Michigan is projected to play in the Motor City Ball on December 26? But the telling thing is, looking at the schedule and looking at the way in which the team is playing, 4 more losses could be in the making. That would mean no bowl game.



Vinny from Elmont

Well, the J!E!T!S! wasted little time and signed the next QB of the near future. Welcome back to the Hall of Heroes, Vinny Testaverde.

King Kong ain't got sh!t on Vinny!

"On The Beat with Pete"
-Peter Nemchinov

Can Chad Shoulder the Load? ZING!

Today we got confirmation about our post yesterday concerning the shoulder of one Chad Pennington. It seems that Chad will be shut down for the remainder of the season while the Jets try to figure out what to do without their former Golden Boy.

In other AFC East injury news Rodney Harrison is officially out for the season after getting clipped from behind during the Steelers/Pats game. While this would seem to be as major as the Pennington injury, the Pats didn't seem to skip a beat on sunday.

And finally rounding out this AFC East heavy post is the loss of Takeo Spikes, middle linebacker for the Buffalo Bills, who tore his right achilles tendon. The Bills 1-2 play the San Antonio Saints this sunday.

- BL

Monday, September 26, 2005

Time For The...


Ottawa Senator's RADEK BONK or The University of Miami's Akieem Jolla.

JOLLA!!!! I believe it is pronounced with a soft "j."



Oye Vai. Chad, bubbie, what are you doing to us?

Some facts: Chad's down. Fiedler's out. Brooks Bollinger IS in.

Some more facts: Chad is going to visit Dr. James Andrews. For those that don't know the Doc, I'll tell you this much, HE LOVES using his knife. There is some buzz inside TBunts headquarters that Dr. James Andrews hasn't met a shoulder, elbow, knee, hoof, rib eye that he hasn't cut into. In fact, the only athlete ever to visit the Doctor and not need surgery is Carl Pavano. To which the Doctor refused surgery b/c implanting BALLS isn't practiced in Alabama. Shocking, I know. You'd think they'd do stuff like that in Bama all the time.

Anyway, rumor has it (unfortunately I'm having trouble adding links - tomorrow they'll be here) that Chad is DUNZO for the season. I repeat Chad is DUNZO for the season. We also think that the injury may have occured when he and Eli were having catch across the Hudson River, we'll monitor Eli throughout the season.

So to recap, Fiedler has a torn labrum and is out for 6 weeks. Brooksie, time for some action. Man up, Badger!

"On The Beat with Pete"
-Peter Nemchinov

Teammates Doesn't Equal Friends

Remember that Sports Illustrated Sportsmen of the Year cover where Randy Johnson and Curt Schilling seemed to be nothing but the best of friends. They pushed each other on the field we were told, but it seems they pushed each other away off the field.

It was widely known that Randy never wanted to share the mantle of being the number one pitcher with Curt. Not that I blame the Unit, I mean Schilling can get a little grating with his constant self-promotion. Now both of them have gotten their wishes joining teams in the thick of playoff races with only 7 games left to play on the season.

The Unit takes the ball for the Yanks as they begin a 7 game road trip to end the season. 4 games against Baltimore are followed up the 3 game finale in Fenway. The Sox on the other hand start Schilling to begin a 7 game home stand against Toronto.

This is only a preview of the what is slowly turning into a Judgement Day weekend where saturday it will Unit vs. Schill, in what can only be seen as the biggest game of the year. Both guys could muster fake smiles when posing for the SI viewfinder, but if Cleveland keeps on winning, look for this weekend to be the biggest thing since, well the last time the Sox played the Yanks.

OC! It's In The Game!

Ever want to brood silently like Ryan Atwood?

Ever want to listen to "real rock bands," quote Chuck Klosterman or write graphic novels like Seth Cohen?

How about the ability to schmear cream cheese like Sandy Cohen?

Or maybe even drown yourself in Pinot Grigio or Vodka like Kirsten?

What about being as preciously adorable as Summer Roberts, or on the other side, date Summer Roberts?

Perhaps you fancy yourself as a person who wants to shoot someone, become a lesbian (and then unbecoming one), be an alcoholic, overdose on sleeping pills, get held hostage, steal watches, date the lawn boy, date Luke, talk in a deepish voice... I can keep going, btw... you know, like Marissa Cooper.

I see myself more as the boat boy, Jimmy. This way I can try to scam every person I know, try to get back with my ex-wife and get her money. Jimmy Cooper, that's who I want to be.

But here's the kicker, we can be all these people. Wanna know how? IT'S THE OC MOBILE VIDEO GAME, of course.

I'm totally gonna swing some fists at Cotillion.

-Joe Hug

Friday, September 23, 2005

Hip Hip Jorge

Earlier in the Week, the TaylorBunts Crew called out ARod and the Yankees fans. Buried deep in that column the following was written about which Yank needed to step up and carry them into the playoffs: "Looked at Posada and thought he could be an interesting candidate, lackluster hitting season, slowing bat, yet maybe he has some juice left."

Since then Jorge has hit 3 HR, 2 of which were the decided factors in last evenings game. The same game that put the Yanks a full game in first place.

I think there is only one likely conclusion...Jorge reads Taylor Bunts!

Like I said, our readership is up 78%, and that now includes Jorge Posada.

thanks Jorgie!



It was a rough, under .500 week 2 for team JG (finished 7-9). They lost a game to team BL, but they have vowed to strike back. Week 3 should be the week where you finally can understand teams and let's find out if we in fact understand anything at all. And for the sake of this, let's call this week "Moving Week" as we will both be moving in complete opposite directions. As always, HOME TEAM in CAPS and differing games are in BOLD and itallics.

BEARS +2.5 Bengals

This isnt your father's Bengals, I mean did u see that 70 yrd TD to open up the last game? I got the real deal Carson and the rest of the new look Bengals. -BL

PACKERS +3.5 Bucs
Let's go to Coach Kilmer on this one: "I have brought you 22 Division Titles and 2 State Titles. Tonight WE WILL beat Bingville! (crazy applause) GO PACK! GO PACK! GO PACK!" -JG

Can I really pick the Pack again? They have no defense, no offense, and one aging QB with his mind on the coast. I took the Caddy last week, and nothing changes here. Lets Go Chucky and the Bucos. -BL

VIKES -3.5 Saints
I seriously feel for the Aints, but look the Vikings just can't fall to 0-3. Combine the futures of Culpepper and Tice in this outcome. Look for a big day for Nate Burleson. -BL

The travelling Saints road show pulls into the Tice trap. The Vikes will be playing for their coaches job, and the Saints are playing for the country? Well, no contest, Saints will drop a crazy Deuce this weekend. -JG

ST LOU -6.5 Titans
Seriously can this week finally be Norm Chows coming out party? Martz's folly doesn't play defense and Tenn starting WR is white. I am taking the points and the Titans. -BL

First home game in the Martz Dome. Game. Set. Match. Add a couple of Holt TDs and this guy'll be very happy. -JG

MIAMI +3.5 Panthros
Well the Nick Saban bandwagon blew a tire last week, and doesn't get a better draw this week as Peppers and the boys ruin the Fins day. Take Carolina in a romp. -BL

Julius Peppers vs. Ronnie Brown. No wait, Julius Peppers vs. Gus Frerotte. Somewhere there is a cement wall with Frerotte's name on it. Panthros.... -JG

EAGLES -7.5 Raiders
Maybe this'll be the week Norv and the gang realize that they should be throwing the ball to Randy every time they get into the red zone. That's gotta be good for at least 2 TDs and maybe even enough to keep it close. The Raiders and the points. -JG

This is the Fantasy game of the week, with TO and Moss going at it, but the problem is Randy will have Lito and BDawkins on him all day long while TO slices and dices the Oak town secondary. I got the Eagles at home. -BL

BILLS -3.5 Falcons
Four Words: A Gimpy Mike Vick. WILLIS and the Bills. -JG

The Mike Vick experience is closed due to Hamstring repairs, is there a scarier injury for Falcon Fans than a gimpy Vick? The Bills looked terrible agains the Bucs (where was Willis?) I got the Bills. -BL

INDY -14.5 Browns
A classic game of not who will win, but by how much. The Colts are the class of the AFC with their D, not their O. I see a big day for Reggie Wayne, and a sad day for Dilfer and the Browns as they meet Mr. Freeney. -BL

Largest Spread of the Day and a HUGE survivor league pick. But I will be jumping on board. I like the Colts and what could potentially be the first Braylon vs. Marlin Jackson matchup. Could you imagine if the Browns beat up on the Colts and then we find out that Romeo was the real mastermind, wow. But for this week, I'll take the Colts. -JG

NYJ -2.5 Jaguars
Chad can't throw. Byron can't move. I mean, this HAS to be the weekend Marshall Alumni couldn't wait for. A slowed Byron (could he be any slower) means a ton of Fragile Fred which equals J!E!T!S! -JG

Anyone who is picking the Jets this week is going off nothing but faith, as the Jets have shown zip this season, and now get the tough Jags D who held Indy in check last week. Martin has a tweaked wheel, but so does Byron. Hmm well call me a man of faith, I got the Jets. -BL

SAN FRAN +6.5 Cowboys
Cowboys are coming off a tough loss (How bout them Redskins). See even on their bye week I can work in a Redskins comment. I like the Boys. -BL

I'm just gonna throw this out there. The Cowboys stink. But the 49ers are, um, not very good. The Boys and the points or at least the points and Parcells gut exploding. -JG

SEATTLE -6.5 Zona
Well, this may be a first, but I'm taking Zona with the points. Um, I really can't believe I said that. -JG

Remember those good old days when Ari was the cool pick to win the NFC West, and challenge in the playoffs? All just a distant memory, give me the Pacific Northwest Hawks. -BL

STEELERS -3.5 Patriots
I just really dont like Big Ben and I know Pit's good at two things drinkin' beer and kickin' ass. And they're all out of beer. But...BUT, the Pats can't go 1-2 can they? I don't think so. -JG

There hasn't been a better team over the past two weeks than the Steelers, and now here come the Pats limping into Hines. How killer is the early Pats schedule? Deadly, I got the Steelers. -BL

CHARGERS -5.5 G-men
San Diego is finally seeing what real Marty Ball is, and its not pretty. The Giants D looks reborn, and I like the Manning-Plexi express. I got the Giants. -BL

Marty Ball 0-3? The G-Men 3-0? You know what, that may or may not happen, but Eli's return to San Diego, the very place he rufused to go to, will definately be worth watching. O/U on "The Eli in SD" Suzy Kolber stories will be 2.5. Look for G-Magic from the G-Men. -JG

BRONCOS -3.5 Chiefs
Well I am of the mind that the AFC West should never be displayed on MNF, ever. So let's just flip a coin here and go with the Chiefs who should run all over the Broncos. -BL

Even though The Snake won last week, I just can't wait for Madden to go with the whole, "Jake Plummer should not have thrown that pass." The Chiefs! -JG


Season Standings:
JG 17-15
BL 13-19

-Taylor Bunts

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Don't Push The Button. The Button's Bad


Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Sheen, Charlie Sheen

We've already discussed (at length) the benefits of being Charlie Sheen, but we have yet to delve into what Charlie can do for you.

Now according to Nasty Boy, Rob Dibble, apparently Chaz was very good to baseball teams. Very good as in throwing wild parties with porn stars. It seems it was a regular Jack Horner production as, in Dibble's words, "I saw one of my fat, ugly teammates having sex with this beautiful porn star in a Jacuzzi."
I wonder if Chris Sabo was there. And if so, do you think he'd wear those goggles everywhere?


Johnny Damon or Nitro

Who is the man in the picture, Johnny Damon or Nitro from the American Gladiators?


Who doesn't hate Jews?

Well in what has to be my favorite baseball story of the year, the Washington Nationals had to suspend their team chaplin after he subltly (he nodded his head) indicated that Jews were doomed to hell. Now this whole Jews aren't going to the fluffy cloud in the sky idea isn't new, but who knew baseball players have theologic discussions.

Some other players destined for Hell.

David Wells - The guy was hungover on the best day of his baseball life, and seems to always look like he smells like whore.

A-Rod - Big Phony

Rafy Palmeiro - Thou shall not lie

Derek Jeter - A deal with the Devil perhaps?

Jose Mesa - For all the pain he put the city of Cleveland through.

Jose Canseco - He's already there

- BL

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Favorite Al Michaels Quote From Monday Night

"With 3:46 remaining in week 2, the Redskins finally score their first TD"


Livin the Urban Life

A complete roundup of the amazing college weekend is still to come folks, plus break up the Redskins before they take over the NFL.

It has been a very good weekend for Lieb-M-A-N. Now if only someone dropped a baby grand piano on A-Rod's head.

One can dream.

- BL

Encore, Give You One More

Last evening I had the chance to sit in the way Upper Deck in the Bronx. The only way that I could sum up these games to my lady at my side was "14 games left, the yanks need to win 12."

Of course that seems irrational, now how can they go 12-2? But whatever, it seems like they need to win every game.

So as I was sitting in Row K of Tier Reserve section #29 (which was a little to the left of the right field foul pole) I examined the Yanks stats and started to think of who would be the bat to carry the club over the next fortnight.

Looked at Posada and thought he could be an interesting candidate, lackluster hitting season, slowing bat, yet maybe he has some juice left. But it's not him.

Giambi, well, any of his stats are frosting on the cake?

Bubba, of course not. In fact I only mention him b/c the guy sitting a row behind me kept insisting that it was Bubba's night. Mind you, this was before Bubba's first infield hit.

But the reality is that it falls on the shoulder of A-Rod. Now I know people claim he has no soul and whatev, he is what he is. But the Yanks need more from him and what a Yankee-ography it would be. This is the A-Rod defining moment, he can create his own legacy, or at the very least, find himself in the hearts of the Yanks fans.

So as he strode to the plate (I can't be alone in thinking that it's either with him that we blaze onto playoff glory or not at all) I wondered where is the A-Rod love in the stadium? He doesn't get booed like he used to, he just annihilates pitches. No A-Rod chants, only "Boston Sux" chants or "Let's Go Yankees" chants, but one chant was non-existent.

He came up twice in the early part of the game and why was I the only one chanting MVP? Now, I don't have a loud, powerful voice, and wasn't expecting to start this chant throughout the stadium, but where is the love? Where is the MVP love? Because you can be damned sure Papi is getting his in Boston.

Wake Up Yanks Fans. We need A-Rod over the next 13 games. We need the MVP! Let's show him!

Now Ben, (if you've made it this far) you can stick your finger down your throat.



Bubba... Bubba... But you're my only friend!

Half Game Back...


Monday, September 19, 2005

hOOter, I don't even know her...

Well, it's been one heck of a ride here at the ol'TBunts Factory. And since our readership is up 78%, we've decided to reach out and take on a staff of our own. (Above is a picture of the newest tbunts class.)

Before we hold interviews or, actually, before we even look at resumes, we want to know that all applicants meet our requirments. So, attached, you will find a copy of our Employee Handbook. You must understand that we don't just work hard, but we play hard, too.

And please, please, please...always remember our motto, "I hereby acknowledge...the work environment is one in which joking and innuendo based on female sex appeal is commonplace."


Asking The Colons...

Who is Ben Hill Griffin?


America's Fastest Growing Game...


Joshua Cribbs (#9) vs. Bhawoh Jue [first name pronounced BOW] (#21)

Mr. Cribbs and "You will Bhawoh Jue, before Pharoah!"


Friday, September 16, 2005

TBunts on the Road

Well I am taking the show on the road people, as I travel back for the first time as an alumnus, to the University of Florida to see my Gators whip up on the Kool-Aid man's Vols.

I will be keeping a running mental diary of the events this weekend, and will try to take some blurry camera pics to post for your viewing pleasure.

So enjoy your weekend, and make sure to turn on CBS at 8pm this weekend to try to get a glimpse of your intrepid blogger. I will be the one in the blue polo sweating like Sammy Sosa at a spelling bee.

- BL

Gary Hawkins, Small Landscaping Business

Gary Hogeboom played 11 seasons in the NFL, 15 years ago and he hopes nobody on Survivor Guatemala recognizes him. Thank goodness there isn't a sportscaster on the show, oh wait...

I give him about two more weeks until the "Throw the conical ball in the hoop challenge" at which point Danni rises to her feet and utters the "Oh, my. Only one man could make that throw. Hogeboom-boom-boom!"

That should be fun, for everyone.


How Frustrating, I mean, really...

Since my AIM buddy is not available at this moment, I have nobody to share this instant thought that just popped into my noodle.

HOW UNBELIEVABLY FRUSTRATING was Nintendo? I had my own science on how to get the games to work. My First Step was a fast, strong blow of air. This was then followed by a shorter, more steady blow of air. Then I would light a candle across the room, un-tie my left shoe, stick a golf tee in my right pant pocket and eat a Peppermint Patty. When that didn't work...I would go bonkers!


Thank you for your time.


To All Those NAY Sayers...

You know, there are really people out there that like to ride horses. I, for one, never really got into it because it seemed I always had the horse with crazy gass or was stuck behind the horse with crazy methane problems. But my few times on the saddle I never once thought "Hey, what would it be like if this horse was riding me?" And when I say riding me, I mean, um, well...


Thursday, September 15, 2005

Thursdays are Ladies Days here at TBunts

First, let's just handle the sports side of this picture for a second people. Gabe Kapler, he of the leopard speedo, ruptured his achilles tendon yesterday while rounding second base after a Boston HR. He wasn't running full speed or trying to cut down a double play, just doing his trot.

Now I was eager to point the steroid finger at Nomar after his entire groin muscle dislodged from his body, so let me say this about Gabe; Odds are he like my new favorite celebrity Danny Bonaduce enjoy the feel of hollow metal in their ass; Just a theory people.

Second, How? Where? Why? What? Pourquoi? Que? In what mindset does someone think that pictures like that are a solid career move. Can you imagine the discussion taking place before this picture was taken.

Photog - "Now Gabe we think for this picture that the speedo is the classy artistic way to go."

Gabe - "Oh well to be honest guys I was looking for a more respectable, mainstream picture this time. You know, something to show the in-laws."

Photog - "Ok I fully understand, how about the Leopard one then?"

Gabe - "Wow are we on the same wavelength or what"

- BL

Week 2 Pickles

So after a SUPERIOR WEEK ONE SHOWING, 10-6 to be exact, I am one step closer to the prize. Five games seperate myself and Mr. BL and guess what? The difference can be made this weekend (those games are in BOLD and itallics). BTW, the 7 games we differed on last week, JG, took 6 of em. King Kong ain't got shit on me!


TEXANS +6.5 Pitts
Pitt had easily the most impressive win of the opening weekend while Hou still looks like an expansion team. After this week someone will buy the domain. -BL

Sgt. Slaughter will leave Texas 2-0, HOWEVA, Dom Capers will have his squad fired up to lose by on 4. Texans with the points. -JG

INDY -8.5 Jax
Cut That Meat! Cut That Meat! Here we go Insurance Adjusters, here we go! -JG

Hey some spread huh? If the game was in Jax I coulda been pushed to picking them, but I like Indy in their home opener. -BL

BUCS -2.5 Bills
Cadillac Grills, check out the oil my Cadillac spills, seriously the Bucs were left for dead in the preseason, but parity works in weird ways; i got the Bucs. -BL

The Caddy Waggon loses a passenger this week And seriously, when if Buffalo go to Duffs. The wings are splendiferous! -JG

PHILLY -12.5 San Fran
Mrs. McNabb won't let her boys down. Donovan will be sucking back Campbell's Chunky and be ready to go. In fact, he could probably take 2 or 3 quarters off and the Eagles would still win by 13. -JG

Now this an interesting line with SF coming off a big win vs Martz's Folly, and Philly coming out of ATL with a gimpy McNabb. This is a statement game for the Eagles, look for them to easily cover the spread. -BL

CAR +3.5 New England Chowdah
All Pats here and while we're at it, how come no one ever discusses how hot Cheetara was on the Thundercats? Like before I knew what hot was, I knew she was smokin'. I think Panthro def tried to play dip the tip, def. -JG

Car couldn't beat the San Antonio Saints, and with that I say if not Tom Brady then who? If not Corey Dillon who? If not Richard Seymour who? I got the Pats. -BL

CHI +1.5 Det
I watched all 4 quarters of the Bears/Skins game and at times I expected the Bears to punt on 3rd down. Det is trying to make a run for a playoff spot and will feast on the Bears. -BL

The Cedric Benson Era will begin. The next Rashan Salaam, Curtis Enis or the next, um, who was there after Sweetness? Damn, this is gonna bother me. Anyway, DeBears D will keep them in it. -JG

CINCI -2.5 Minnesota
Minnesota looked terrible week 1 and the Carson Palmer era officially began last week. Get that man a Bobblehead people! Daunte is letting Randy Moss look like the real force in Minny, I got the Vikings in a old fashion Cincy Romp. -BL

Chad Johnson called out Fred Smoot, hilarious. But Pep won't lay two eggs in his first 2, right? All Purple here AND they may even use the Burger King Guy for the Hail Mary. -JG

TENN +3.5 Baltimore
There's comedy and then there's high comedy and there is my version of the Ray Lewis Dance. I actually think the Ravens lost on Sunday night because of Phil Collins' Tonight, Tonight blaring during the player intros. Steve McNair, get the ice bath ready. Hark go the Ravens. -JG

Well I was the biggest Norm Chow booster last week and all he could muster (vs a very tough Steeler D) was a pedestrian 7 points. I got Balt and my boy Jamal Lewis in this one. -BL

ZONA +1.5 St. Lunatics
Mike Martz, oh how I loathe thy. You seem to have a nack for making easy decisions seem so difficult. Let's just hope you don't outthink yourself again cause Ari is awaiting the Matt Leinart parade. -BL

Round of applause for St. Lou and their roll in destroying the Survivor hopes of thousands of teams. THIS is the week you should take them. -JG

SEA -1.5 Mike Vick Experience
Matt Hassel-blech vs. the ATL D? Um, as a not so proud owner of Hassel-blech, consider me scurred. Mexi-CAN. -JG

The Mike Vick train continues to roll as the Mike Holmgren march towards obscurity continues. Sea is a team that should never be on MNF or ESPN. ATL baby, Lenox Mall in da house. -BL

J!E!T!S! -6.5 Mia

The Saban experience rolls into the Meadowlands, while the Jets need a win to reclaim the overhype thrown on them by Mike and the Maddog types. I got the Green Lantern. -BL

GB -6.5 Cleveland
GB is another old reliable that let me down last week, but with Javon Walker tearing up his knee, have the Cheeseheads finally hit a rebuilding period? Not this week; Romeo still looking for win number 1, i got the Pack. -BL

Braylon had 2 catches last weekend. A buddy of mine went to a game in Lambeau against the Bears. While tailgating, he actually ate bear. As in, a group was serving bear. Go Pack. -JG

DEN -2.5 Whale's Vagina (San Diego)
I guess the Broncos, although the season premiere of Antonio Gates scares me. Only because this game is in Denver, oh man, wagering on Jake Plummer (shaking my head). -JG

Quick question people. Is Jake Plummer still the Broncos QB? He is? Really? Well I got the San Diego "Super Chargers" -BL

OAK +1.5 Chiefs
Oak always plays hard at home, I mean it is the Black Hole people, but I don't think their Run D can put a dent into the Holy Roman Priest. Give me the Chiefs (looks good but who are the Chefs?) -BL

That's great, but who are the Chefs? The Chiefs enter the black hole, but they have some swagger. "I don't want to be named as a woman-beater," Larry Johnson said. "That is not my M.O." Well, maybe not swagger, but they'll have enough. -JG

NO -3.5 Giants
I hear the road team is gonna have a ton of crowd support, but you know what? It won't be enough. Something's happening with these Saints. Something right before are very eyes. -JG

Oh when the Saints, Oh when the Saints, Go Marching in to the Meadowlands, look for Deuce to slice and dice for their first road-home game of the year. -BL

DAL -6.5 Skins
GGreGG Williams = low score. Low score=close game. And seriously, Mark Brunell on Monday Night...I've been swimming in Raw Sewage...I Love It. C'mon Hogs. -JG

The Redskins finally settled on a QB for the future, sadly he is 35 with no chance of completing a pass past 20 yrds. The good news is the Cowboys have Drew Bledsoe at QB. Look for the Redskins LB core to blitz that statue all night long. Hail to the Redskins. -BL

JG 10-6
BL 5-11

-Taylor Bunts

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Maize RAGE!

An Open Letter from the Michigan AD
The University of Michigan Athletic Department has always done its best to give each student an opportunity to buy a season ticket to watch the Wolverines play football.

This year, the demand for student tickets was so great; we could not place every student in the student section. We had to place many students in the lower rows of the south end zone.

For those students who sit in sections 11, 12 and 13, we are asking you to respect the other Wolverine fans by not standing for the entire game. Students standing for long periods of time are subject to removal. While we appreciate your enthusiasm and support, we ask your cooperation in this matter. Thank you.

Go Blue!
Bill Martin
Director of Athletics
Dear Bill Martin,

Thank you for your letter! Not only will we not stand, but we will not attend anymore games until Lloyd Carr decides to coach football in the 21st century.

While we understand that injuries occur and mistakes happen, Lloyd's coaching as of late is abhorrent as is the stigma that Michigan can be pushed around like a JV team.

We look forward to attending and standing once again with our fellow students when you and the whole Athletic department get rid of Lloyd and while you are at it, FIRE AMAKER too.

PS After watching Michigan Replay, where Lloyd continued to state "We have found our Defense," I broke my TV and would like the University to reimburse me.

-K Ron

The End of a Sad and Fruitless Era

It all started out so promising with the young cannon-armed rookie QB being hazed as the teams savior coach watched on with what seemed like pride. On paper it was a nice marriage, Patrick Ramsey and the Washington Redskins, but now only one game into the 2005 season we seem to be witnessing the end of the Ramsey era in Washington. Joe Gibbs announced that Mark Brunell, last seen underthrowing open recievers while falling into sacks, would take over as the teams starting QB. We should have known that the frequent declarations from Gibbs and the Skins front office that Ramsey had their total confidence was nothing more than lip service.

In fact all we have heard about Ramsey since his rookie year was that he was a deep well of untapped talent who could easily become an mid-level (think Matt Hassleback level) starter in the league. Even with Spurrier talking about Patrick in such glossy tones it didn't take long for names like Wuerffel and Matthews to top the depth chart. Under Spurrier and his blocker-less pro offense Ramsey was a burgondy and gold pinball, but still the team expressed confidence in his ability.

Joe Gibbs if nothing else during his last tenure as coach was a great evaluator of talent, so his proclaiming that Ramsey would be his guy seemed to ring with Redskin fans. We had a thought of some actually continutity at the QB spot, a virtual revolving door since Mark Rypien's Super Bowl MVP in 1991. Sadly it took less than a few months for Gibbs to sign Mark Brunell, a QB who was run out of Jacksonville after injuries and tough hits, and throw another wrench into the QB pile.

Now the Redskins sit at 1-0 (i almost expected beating the Bears would count as half a win), but still with no real QB. Jason Campbell the Skins 1st round draft pick, who according to most insiders is Gibbs's real choice, sits now in the familiar seat that Ramsey had during his rookie year. The chosen one annointed by a legendary coach, just waiting for his opportunity to make some noise.

The real decision for Gibbs now is how long he wants to wait until seeing just what he has in Campbell because if Ramsey's tenure with the team has proven anything its that a teams confidence in a players ability can be worth more than the talent expressed on the field.

- BL

Monday, September 12, 2005

Hangin' Em Up

Mark Messier is calling it a day. What do you say? Why don't we play with some clay?

I'm just a casual hockey guy, but is September the big hockey retirement month?



Here are some grumbles from our Peanut Gallery: (and yes, it seems we have a Peanut Gallery)

"on another note, are any of you in favor of mr. carr being sent
packing? i almost puked when he said, 'we lost to a great ND team.'
why didn't we fire the fauker last year when steve spurrior (spl?) was available? well, the big 10 blew all NC hopes yesterday.

someone please explain why lloyd carr is getting paid millions to run
michigan's football program? we could have any freaking coach in the
country!" - DJ EC

"Beating perennial powerhouses like Northwestern, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin, Purdue, and the MAC is what Carr is all about, thats what makes him worth millions. Not the fact that he is 2-6 vs ND, OSU as of late...1-3 in bowl games last 4. 3-7 against ranked non-conference opponents, its time for a change, he should retire at end of season with some dignity and we need to get some youth and fire power on the sidelines because we have the most wasted talent in CF." - K-Ron

"The only possible reason for me to show up in Ann Arbor again this fall will be to get on TV with my Fire Carr and Pull Henne sign.

Carr is nothing more than a joke, we all know he's been getting out-coached for years so this was nothing new. The fact that he is starting John Navarre Jr. is so disgusting that I want to cry. How come when the best quarterback in high school finally decides to come to Mich he's just another fat ass, lead foot, indecisive, pansy, low release piece of shit? I'll tell you why, because we are forever cursed. My dad has been through it for 55 years and has warned me ever since I could crawl, Michigan football will kill you. The problem is that some of us are addicted to the drug of Michigan football and it has a hold on our lives like nothing else in the world. Let's suck it up and get used to enjoying a season where we upset a far superior Ohio St. team so at least we can ruin their season like we used to in the 90's.

Until Carr is gone I have no hope, none at all."

Stay Strong,
Phi Samma Jamma

"Okay…I understand the Carr comment and I too have been saying that we should get rid of him for the past 5 seasons…I do not however support the Henne slander that is going on right now. Its bullshit and typical Michigan fair-weather fan talk. The kid kicked ass all last year as a true freshman and then has 1 bad game and everyone wants him pulled. What the fuck? Don’t get me wrong, I am pissed that we lost and I know that Henne lost the game for us, I just think that we shouldn’t be so hard on the kid." - Body

Holla back!


Lloyd and Clear

It's getting HOT in Lloyd's kitchen!

Let's simply put it this way, in his last 8 meetings against OSU and ND, Lloyd is 3-7. That's 3 losses to Jim Tressell, 2 to Ty Willingham, and 1 to, both, Charlie Weiss and Bob Davies. Lloyd has a tremendous record, but his glaring brain farts in non-conference games (at UCLA, at Washington, at Oregon) and games against BIG TIME coaches 28-14 against Pete Caroll and a nail-bighting 10-7 win over Urban's Utes at the big house, are becoming an annual trend.

Yes, Lloyd has a Nat'l Champ ring. Yes, Lloyd has 2 straight Big Ten titles. Yes, Lloyd has lead Blue to 3 BCS games in 7 seven years. But it's getting hard to envision Lloyd getting over the hump and returning Blue to glory.

We see Lloyd's bread and butter, the run up the middle. And after running that play OVER AND OVER AGAIN isn't it time to adapt? The "supposed Best O in the NCAA" should be opened up, right? Granted, injuries to the starting HB, TE and OL hurt, but where is that resilient intangible that National Champion contenders have? Where is the will that they force on their opponent?

It's across the side line, that's where. And frankly, Lloyd, something needs to happen. It seems that this off-season we did something far worse than fumble on the goal line. We let an off-season in which Urban, Weiss and Spurrier were available, slip through our hands.

Is this the turning or the breaking point?

(btw, Texas vs. OSU. What a game? I mean, no way could Blue play with those two. But my main beef is, why did Musberger spend the entire game sucking up to the OSU D when the Texas D was better? Did I miss a memo anywhere?)


America's Favorite Name Game...


Otis Amey (#18) of San Fran or Colby Bockwoldt (#57) of the Saints?

BTW, De'Cody Fagg had 7 recs & 113 yards.


Jon's Perfect Storm

So I said a small prayer for the soul of Jonathan Goldsmith on saturday night as what seemed to be a perfect sports storm descended upon Lido Beach.

First there was Michigan, who no one told that to win a game you have to actually score points.

Then the Yankees were coming off a solid win over the Red Sox on friday with thoughts of sweep in their heads only to get rocked by both a Manny 2 run first inning homerun, but also the reemergence of one Curtis Schilling.

Now if you think I took any satisfaction in Jon's misfortune, then you would be right, but let me say I fear my own storm this weekend as I travel to Gainesville to watch my Urban Gators demolish the orange hicks from UT. Following the end of Phil Fullmer's life I have the Skins meeting the Cowboys on Monday night. So is it possible that this week could break my spirit and plunge me into the depths of depression? Yes. But it is also possible that the world keeps on turning and the Skins and Gators keep on winning as I outrun that Perfect Storm of the Fall lapping at my heels.

Oh and of course the Jets lost as well, but that wasn't the Storm, just the J-E-T-S, JETS, JETS, JETS!

- BL