Forget the curve ball. Give 'em the heater!

Thursday, September 08, 2005

When I Pick. You Pick, We Pick.

On the cusp of one of the greatest sporting weekends of the year (NFL, NCAA, Yanks/Sox), management here at tbunts would like to show off their football intelligence. This will be a weekly feature. The records will be kept and shown every week to remind the unfortunate loser how little they know about the NFL. After the 17 weeks are over the team with the best record will win something SO HUGE and SO CAPTIVATING that our readers will even experience moments of shear nirvana. Without further ado... Here are our Week One Picks.

*Home Team In Caps
NE (-7.5) vs oak
The Pats lost Charlie and Romeo, and The Raiders got Moss, but picking against the Pats is a fools gamble. My money is on the new Joe Cool (Mr. GQ Brady) -BL

I'll leave it at this: Saturday, High Noon, Big House, Lloyd vs Charlie, oh wait wrong game... I'll just go with Brady over Woodson. -JG

MIA (+4.5) vs den
This is a classic week one game as both teams are coming off down years, so who has the edge? I will take Denver and Jake Plummer's mustache for a road win. -BL

Miami is the home of the greatest opening game upset in gambling history (the Texans knocking off the Fins 2 years ago), but this is Jake's 3rd year in Denver and if it's not now, when exactly? Broncos win a roadie. -JG

CAR (-6.5)vs no
I'm playing the "whole country will rally behind us" card. The Panthros might contend for the bowl and probs take this game, but the Saints will keep it close. -JG

Carolina is the new hot pick for the Super Bowl, but New Orleans is playing for bigger reasons. Wait New Orleans still starts Aaron Brooks, I got the Panthers. -BL

JAX (-3.5) vs sea
If the Jags buts out the black on black unis, watch out! -JG

John Henderson and Marcus Stroud will clog up the running lanes for Mr. Alexander, and look for Freddy T to have a big game. Mike Holmgren....well he's still the Walrus co-co-kachoo. -BL

PIT (-7.5) vs ten
The combination of Norm Chow, Air McNair and the Steeler's starting Willie Parker, well, 7.5 just seems like too big of a spread. Take me to another place! JG

This line scares me a bit cause I just don't see the plodding run first Steelers beating the Norm Chow Titans by 8. I got the Titans in a close one, and look for Chow to be the hottest head coach hire next offseason. -BL

MIN (-6.5) vs tb
Quick who is the Bucs starting QB? If you said Brian Griese you would be right. Look for the start of a season long love affair between Nate Burrelson and Mr. Culpepper to begin in Chucky's face. I got the Vikes. -BL

Normally tb stands for taylor bunts and no way would we not cover against Tice and his scalping pencil. However, the Vikes need to show that they can be fo' real without Randy. I see them closing the garage door on the Cadillac. And seriously, how sweet would it be if Cadillac's face mask was the grill from a Caddy. I mean, that would be something. -JG

WAS (-6.5) vs chi
Eight Words: Kyle Orton is starting against the Washington D. -JG

Skins, Skins, Skins, baby. We (yeah I said We) opened up the playbook to give Portis more running room, and Gregg Williams is the best Defensive Coordinator in the league. Hail Hail, to the Redskins, no matter what scrubs they play. -BL

BUF (-4.5)vs hou
I would say Houston, really I would, but after 2 consecutive opening day wins, they screwed my against the Chargers last year. The Bills D will keep this out of reach and Willis will make me cry for not picking him. And speaking of Willis, a buddy of mine used to play the "Willis Game," which basically means he would drive his car passed people and scream "WILLIS" at them. He really loved doing that. Years later doctors will discover... -JG

Is this the year David Carr puts it all together? Is this the year JP Losman becomes King of Buffalo? What does being King of Buffalo actually entail? Women in christmas sweaters and free trips to Target. I got the Texans. -BL

KC (-3.5) vs nyj
In a marquee AFC game I gotta lean towards the Chiefs. I know the Jets are thinking Super Bowl, but I just don't see them pulling it out in Arrowhead. -BL

J!E!T!S! Jets! Jets! Jets! Great Googly Moogly, who are the Chefs? Y'all know my distaste of the Buckeyes, but Nugent will make some noise. -JG

CLE (+3.5) vs cin
Braylon's first game. To bad he has to wait a year until he gets a QB from USC. Cinci shows off their muscle. -JG

The battle for the hearts of Ohio is on, and color me bored by it all. The Browns are terrible, and the Bengals aren't much better, but you have to pick someone here, so I got Cincy for my boy Nick Lachey. -BL

SD (-4.5) vs dal
The second year of Brees/Gates, but this season teams will be focused on both enough to let LT make a run for league MVP. I hate the Cowboys, I wouldn't pick them vs. Alcorn State. -BL

Yum, nothing better than some Tuna in San Diego. I don't like the Boys, but dammit I respect them. Look for Marty Ball to take a step back. -JG

DET (-2.5) vs gb
Could this game signal a power shift in the NFC North? Naw, Brett Favre has a lot to prove after last year's season ending mistake. Look for Ahman and Walker to rip apart the weak Det front seven. -BL

The Super Bowl is in the D this year and YOU KNOW Joey Harrington sees himself there. I don't know if that'll happen, but The D will rough up Favre. Basically because it's in a dome and he's not so great inside. -JG

NYG (-2.5) vs zona
Eli, Eli, Eli...Oh. Zona will be tough, but Eli's first game of the season in Jersey, fuh-gedda-bou-dit! GGGGGGGG-Men! -JG

This game presents the perfect moment to take a much needed mid-day nap. Giants and Eli vs Zona and Kurt. Who said parity was good for the NFL. Flip a coin on this one, and heads means the Cards. -BL

SF (+4.5) vs st lou
"You can find me in St. Louis, where the guns play rain all day some got jobs, some sell Ya, others just smoke and fuck all day." -Nelly. I got the Rams. -BL

The Bulger for MVP chants will start early. -JG

BAL (+3.5) vs indy
The irresistable force meeting the immovable object. I still don't trust pretty boy Kyle Boller and his stats echo that feeling. The game might be close, but I like Indy on a final scoring drive. -BL

Time to unveil the brand new Indy D. The draft, the offseason, the conditioning, everything was put into reshaping that D. Oh wait, who cares if they have a D. Peyton vs. Boller? That's even worse than Urban vs. Zook. -JG

ATL (+1.5) vs phil
Peace Up, A-Town. Ron Mexico vs. TO. What the hell, everyone loves herpes, right? Ron Mexi-CAN! -JG

I drafted Mike Vick last year, two spots ahead of fantasy MVP Peyton. Yeah you don't think I got a chip on my shoulder over that. I got Feagles Eagles. -BL

So, if you've made it through this ginormous piece of snides, insanity, sacarsm and unwaivering football IQ, we thank you. And by my count, out of 16 games, we have 7 HUGE ones. (The Games are in bold and itallics.) And if you can't keep track at home, don't worry, we'll have Probst tally the votes.

-Taylor Bunts


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