Forget the curve ball. Give 'em the heater!

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

The 24 Year Old Virgin


Having attended an "actual" Sports University, (If you haven't seen pictures of Rex Grossman's party face circa 2000, you aren't a real Gator) I am well versed in the benefits of being a star college athlete.

There are the many tutors who always seem to know exactly what is the "important information" needed for exams, there are the choice dorms with names like "lakeside" built specifically for stars, and then there's the white/black/red/drunk women.

You haven't lived until you've seen five Tri-Delts throwing themselves on Udonis Haslem. Matt Walsh (Where are you now?) dated a freaking playmate. SEC might as well be SEX.

Or so I thought.

On Monday's Howard Stern Show, in an interview conducted at the ESPY's Shaun Alexander revealed that he was a virgin until his marriage at the age of 24.

According to the show's rundown for Monday,

In the final clip, the NFL MVP, Shaun Alexander, told Gary he wouldn’t have a problem with a gay athlete in the locker room with him, even though he didn’t think “it was right.” Shaun went on to say he was a virgin until he got married at the age of 24.


Let's digest that for a second. So we're talking about a guy who had to be the biggest star in any room he stepped into from age 17 to the present day, and he never cashed that check?

He's like A.C. Green, but without the piety.

Alexander did go to Alabama, so I guess that can explain some of his motives, but jees it couldn't have been an easy milestone. This achievement, if we can call it that, has really put me on the defensive now. What else is out there? Has Randy Moss never gone #1 standing up? Could Tom Brady have never tasted Dr. Pepper before? Everything is now operative people.

The point is, it's a responsibility of all professional athletes to lead better lives than the rest of us. If Shaun isn't going to bang groupies on the road then he better just take his MVP Trophy and go home.

This just in,

Kobe Bryant has never experienced the back door; CORRECTION never experienced willingly.

UPDATE: We got a pic of what he waited 24 yrs for.....I still say he's waz robbed.

- BL

12 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Have you ever been on the Alabama campus? The girls there are smoking, contrary to what you hinted at. Makes that feat even more impressive.

1:40 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

well, one of the reasons he probably didnt "cash in" is because hes a really devout christian.

3:06 PM

 
Blogger Blitz Krieg said...

My readers are deep into the investigation....one of them when to high school with Mr. Alexander

5:40 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I went to school with Shaun at Alabama and got to know him through church, we both attended Calvary Baptist Church right off campus. Shaun is one of the godliest guys I have ever met. He is truly a phenominal fella. He was always so nice and kind to everyone. He has always put God first. I for one will always have the greatest respect for him. Contrary to most athletes he is not guided by his ego.

6:03 PM

 
Blogger Zach Landres-Schnur said...

and now alexander's wife is freakin gorgeous.

12:00 AM

 
Blogger Luke Rhinehart said...

This just vindicates me for what I've been saying all along: Shaun Alexander is obviously an in-the-closet homosexual. Waiting until you're 24, getting a "hot girl" so people won't wonder, it all adds up. So he wouldn't have a problem with a gay athlete but he thinks it's wrong? Well that sounds exactly like a closeted gay dude to me. The kicker? Find a video interview with him- he is SO obviously gay. Gay voice has a 99% correlation to gayness.

ps- i would actually become Shaun's biggest fan if he outed himself as the NFL's first gay star. I'm not gay but I think that would be extremely brave so I say this not to make fun of Shaun.

8:46 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Luke you aren't even funny.
Have some respect for someone with values that is a good example to our children on how to preserve themselves for marriage. But no, you have to make him look like an idiot for your own fun. That's okay, he is in tune to his relationship with God and wonderful example of living the American dream. May God bless him and keep his goals and dreams alive.

7:31 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't think anyone could make him look like an idiot for waiting, no matter how hard they put their foolish minds to doing so.

12:15 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree with Luke. He is so far in the closet he can't recognize it. He'll come out someday.

2:04 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think he did a great job of waiting until marriage. Unfortunately, the rest of the people out there think that "trying everyone out for size" is the way to go. No one knows the damage they're doing to themselves and the women they're sleeping with. Hey, if people want to make fun of others because they're virgins until marriage, who cares what they think! That just proves to me how jealous they really are....not to mention how cowardly and weak they are.

Try to pick your battles and make fun of someone for a "good reason". I'm sure you'll come to realize that there are no good reasons. My advice....find a life of your own and don't be so concerned with how everyone else isn't living according to your way and the rest of the worlds way.

Maybe one day you'll come to realize that the worlds way of living isn't working. Just open up the paper or listen to the news.

May God open your eyes to the truth.

3:26 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Could someone please tell me why this is such a big deal?

Why is waiting better than not waiting? And don't go all religious on it as there are so many versions of that idea as to make it irrevelant as an argument.

Really if he slept with 10 women wouldhe be less respectable?

11:29 PM

 
Anonymous ebony bondage stories said...

Deepbreath. Shecould play in another platoon, but the level of aggression that ANY of thetroops generally displayed didnt sit well with her own independence theindependence that had led her to turn her back on the idea of being the fat,dumpy wife of some minimum support drone on her homeworld with three or foursqualling brats to feed and accept the physical, mental, and emotionalchallenges of a violent profession in a hazardous environment.
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Deepbreath. Shecould play in another platoon, but the level of aggression that ANY of thetroops generally displayed didnt sit well with her own independence theindependence that had led her to turn her back on the idea of being the fat,dumpy wife of some minimum support drone on her homeworld with three or foursqualling brats to feed and accept the physical, mental, and emotionalchallenges of a violent profession in a hazardous environment.

9:51 AM

 

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