Forget the curve ball. Give 'em the heater!

Friday, November 25, 2005

Miyagi Here... And Here...

I'm having trouble linking here, but Pat Morita (aka Mr. Miyagi) has passed away.

He will be missed...


Sheen vs. Estevez

(please note the following will appear in next week's Taylor Bunts Gazzette)

Now if you had one chance, one moment, and one opportunity to be part of Hollywood royalty, which of the two shining princes would you be? Emilio or Charlie, Charlie or Emilio. Well, I must say this is a tough one and I would imagine that the best way to figure this out would be to break it down into a few categories with a point awarding the winner. At the end of the time, we will collect your Scan-Trons and tally the votes. My hope with this experiment is to be one step closer to becoming a Sheen…

Sports Movie (or sports movie trilogy)
Rick Vaughn vs. Gordon Bombay
Where Emilio may get the longevity credit here, it really boils down to him being available and willing to play Gordon Bombay in three films. Whereas Rick Vaughn may have been castrated in Major League 2, but Vaughn was still Wild Thing AND he very well could be the reason Mo enters The Stadium to Enter Sandman. I’d say more, but is there really a reason? Circle goes to Sheen.

Best Oeuvre
I’m gonna take two for each side here. Let’s start with Emilio as Two-Bit in The Outsiders and Billy The Kid in Young Guns (and YG2). If there ever was a showing of the range of Emilio this would be it. Greaser Two-Bit vs. Billy The Kid. It sorta seems like one became the other here with both of these Emilio characters, but you can’t argue the fun both of these guys exhibited especially combined with the “Emilio Laugh.” That high pitched guffaw into the pseudo-snort, which plays right into the cockiness of both of these guys. Superb. There is a big however, and that is the Oliver Stone influence on Charlie. Platoon and Wall Street. Platoon, for me, is one of those movies that I’ve seen many times, but can never wrap my head around, making it hard for me to remember it at all. Very weird and there aren’t many flicks that do this to me. Regardless of my black spaces surrounding Platoon (perhaps it’s because I just live by Apocalypse Now), there is no forgetting the charismatic Bud Fox. It always gets me when Bud Fox gets arrested at work and walks through the cubicles crying. WOW, what acting! Circle goes to Sheen (with a tremendous 20 assist night from Oliver Stone).

Women Side Dishes
Let’s not forget two things about Emilio and Charlie. One was part of the Brat Pack and the other LOVED prostitutes. With that said Emilio was nice and cozy with Demi in her prime. (Side tangent: I think Demi Moore has to be considered a Roger Clemens type. Young Phenom, Flamed out from over exposure, Tons of work on their bodies, Back in their prime after 40 – eerily similar.) You know what; I don’t even feel like talking about Charlie and Heidi Fleiss. Square goes to Emilio.

Celeb Wives
Paula Abdul (in her Pop Princess Prime – Side tangent #2: At her absolute Apex, who can we compare Paula to. If Beyonce can be compared to Mariah and early, pre-pregs Brittney is Madonna, who is the present day Paula. Janet Jackson? Christina Milian? Ciara?). Back to the topic: Paula Abdul vs. Denise Richards. Well, my age may dictate this answer, as I grew up on Wild Things. Circle goes to Charlie.

Stupid Spoofs
An actor’s career is not completed until he makes a spoof, right? Well, these brosephs did one each. National Lampoon’s Loaded Weapon 1 and Hot Shots (Hot Shots part deux). Well, Loaded Weapon never did it for me quite like Hot Shots. But my most memorable Hot Shots moment deals with my theater experience. Empty theater except for me and my 2 neighbors (I will leave there names out of this). Anyway, one neighbor piles back the milk duds like a machine, for serious his hand was a shovel. So he starts chewing and laughing and next thing you know, he starts puking everywhere. Like PUKE, PUKE. Me and my other neighbor shriek and run away to the other side of the theater. We spent the next 90 minutes of the moving running from seat to seat because the Puker insisted on seating near us. Circle goes to Charlie and milk duds have never been the same since.

Cheesy Sci Fi
Freejack vs. The Arrival. Let’s put it this way one was the top dog in a film that co-starred Mick Jagger, Rene Russo and Anthony Hopkins. The other starred alongside Meet The Parents’ Teri Polo. So, I mean, why even bother. Emilio is snatched by time travel the second before his race car explodes. How can you honestly compete with that one? Square goes to Emilio.

Parts That Have Transcended The Screen
Andy Clark, Breakfast Club vs. The aforementioned Rick Vaughn. I have already discussed what Vaughn might have done to baseball by entering the game to loud rock music, but I’m bothered seriously by the weak ass Vaugn from Part 2. Andy Clark, and actually Breakfast Club as a whole, has had such a huge impact on my life (and no it wasn’t at all ruined by the ridiculous re-union). I’ll just leave this with one phrase, “I can duct-tape all your buns together.” Square goes to Emilio.

If you’re keeping score at home Charlie has a 4-3 edge. Luckily there is a two pointer up next. (And if you’re still reading, I thank you)
And finally, head to head.
Young Guns – Emilio is clearly the star in this one and we spoke about his cocky laugh, which clearly covers up any (if there are) faults in Emilio’s game. Now, I was way more devastated from the death of Charlie in #1 then I was with Emilio’s “possible” death in #2. But I can’t hate the player. Square goes to Emilio.
Men At Work – I’m just gonna say this. I gonna throw it out there and hope it sticks. The scene in the dinner when the Nam guy is doodling the crazy war picture. Charlie leans in to grab a fry, leading to the famous line, “Never touch another man’s fry.” I don’t know if any other actor could have pulled off what Charlie did in that scene. Circle goes to Charlie. Game. Set. Match.

Notable Charlie Sheen Gems:
moments in which he played the “oh yeah, he was in that movie” role:
Red Dawn, Lucas, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. Sheen also had a cameo in National Lampoon’s Loaded Weapon.

Greatest movie that has been forgotten for one reason or the other:
The Wraith. Now, I don’t know how this flick has aged it could either be a great pinot noir or a bottle of vinegar, but at the time I loved it. It could have been the crazy futuristic death car, which we can only assume was created in hell and brought to this planet to wreak havoc on the people that killed Charlie before he became Charlie (you follow?). Anyway, I can’t even recall what the chick in this movie looked like, but I do remember Clint Howard and Randy Quaid. Quiad played the sheriff is this town and my lone memory is of him cutting paper people and then decapitating them as Clint Howard recoiled in horror. Till this day, I can’t understand why Clint had dirt on his face for the whole movie. A part of me really wanted to be Charlie during this flick and in retrospect, this is definitely the NUMBER 1 reason why I would rather be Charlie instead of Emilio. The Wraith, 1986. Here is the tagline: Jake is killed by neighborhood thugs, and returns as a mystical figure (The Wraith) to gain revenge. Somewhere, there is a Jake in all of us and even deeper, there is a Charlie in that Jake inside of us.

And I haven’t even talked about Spin City or Money Talks or Navy SEALs. Gosh I wanna be Charlie. (*Note: I purposely left out The Chase b/c seriously, that sex scene in the car, come on now.)


It's been awhile... we know...

You said it, Giambino. You said it.


Tuesday, November 15, 2005

The World of Bonnie

There will never be another Lesley Visser, although we are in the middle of a golden age for halfway attractive sideline female reporters. There is Suzy Kolber, Michele Tafoya, Rachel Nichols, and of course Shelley Smith...oh Shelley how I want to lay between your milky white mounds and discuss the future of TO. But the real bright star in the mildy hot sky is our girl Bonnie Bernstein.

Don't know who she is you say? Couldn't place the face? Well then go check out Bonnie's personal website. The site claims it is the official website of Bernstein, which is helpful so that you can avoid all those thousands of Bonnie imitation sites.

Click on her bio! See her on the sidelines! Watch her do that voodoo that she do so well!

But the real diamond in the rough of the Bonnie Bernstein site is her own personal online diary, where you can follow her through her hectic schedule. My favorite part of the diary comes in a November 29th post where she lets us in on her true feelings;

"Sex sells. You know it, I know it"

Preaching to the Choir Bonnie, Preaching to the Choir.

- BL

Monday, November 14, 2005

Via Con Dios

Eddie Guerrero, the master of the Frogsplash, and one time WWE World Champion passed away yesterday. Eddie was part of the Guerrero wrestling family, which included his father, three brothers, and cousin Chavo.

His mullet will be missed.

- BL

What Kinda Name is Urban Anyway?

Who needs to vent when the AP poll can say it all for you.

19. University of South Carolina
20. University of Florida

- BL

Saturday, November 12, 2005

THE GAME!!!!!!!

Let's get this out of the way... THE GAME is Sunday.

Big House. Big Time. More details to come and you know what... THIS GUY can't wait.

-Kool-Aid Drinker

South Carolina Superior?

When the worst case scenario for your season occurs, it might be time to focus on other things. Like say puzzles, or stamp collecting, hell maybe a little line dancing.

Just don't expect me to care too much about the Gator's appearance in the Gallery Bowl.

If you are very quiet and turn your ear towards Gainesville you can almost hear all the good ol' boy boosters crying themselves to sleep on their 1996 Steve Spurrier sheets.

- BL

Friday, November 11, 2005

Hang TEN

Week Ten already, my goodness, where has the season gone. Pretty soon we'll all be sitting on our couches drinking some brews while watching the Thanksgiving games. Unreal.

Last week was a good one for both teams (BL 9-5, JG 8-6) and we see no reason why this shouldn't continue. As for the fighting Jonny Mexico's of the Alabama Worley Football league dropped to 4th place, but couldn't be happier that Priest is dunzo and LJ is the man.

As always HOME team in caps and differing games are in BOLD and itallics. (The spreads used were from CBS Sportsline.)


NYG -9.5 Minnesota Vikings
I'm not afraid to admit that I have jumped on the G-Man bandwaggon... But I feel that Brad Johnson is going to do enough good things (Like not turning the ball over or molesting any women...) to keep the Vikes in it. I'll take the points. -JG

When the Redskins got rid of Fred Smoot part of me was sad. After this season that move looks like the release of the year. Smoot was the ringleader of the Love Cruise, and gets burned every week. Look for a big game from my boy Plexi as the Giants roll. -BL

BEARS -13.5 San Francisco 49ers
This pick actually pained me. See, I think I have gone with the Bears ALL season and they have been bear-y bear-y good to me. But they are giving 2 TDs here and by my calculations, the last time Kyle Orton lit anyone up was the Illinois Alumni swiss cheese D. 49ers. -JG

Kyle Orton was featured in SI this week, poor Rex. While the Bears are leading the NFC North, if Grossman was healthy I think this team woulda been a real NFC Super Bowl contender. Orton just can't get the ball to Mushin. I like the Bears. -BL

DETROIT -4.5 Arizona Cardinals
So let me get this right, the starting QBs for this game are Joey Harrington and Kurt Warner? Is it too late to refund the people of Detroit? Lions. -JG

Steve Mariucci vs. Dennis Green. The 49ers vs the Vikings. Jerry Rice vs. Chris Carter. Wait, I am getting something over my ear piece. Oh my bad. So its the Lions and the Cards huh. Joey Harrington vs. Kurt Warner. Um ok. Flip a coin and its the Lions. -BL

MIA +3.5 New England Patriots
All the talk is about the Patriots inconsistent play... Well, they win one and then lose one, win one and then lose win. That sounds pretty consistent to me. I don't see the Pats giving away ground to a division rival. -JG

After last week's Pats game against the Colts this game takes on some new questions. See the Colts ran all over the Pats, and the Fish have the two headed monster of Ronnie Brown and Ricky Williams. Could I actually be convinced to pick against the Pats? Nope, look for a big bounce back here. -BL

JAX -7.5 Baltimore Ravens
I can't stand either of these teams. When I finally pick them - they do nothing to help me. I'll take the under and I guess Jacksonville. Too bad this game isn't on TV cause we'd get to hear how the Ravens screwed up by not drafting Leftwich only about 65 times. Jaguars. -JG

The Ravens stink, even if John Feinstein has a new book out about them. Jamal Lewis is the biggest stiff on the field and the defense is aging before our eyes. The Jags on the other hand are the new look Ravens with a stiff D that keeps its suspect Offense in games. I got the Jags. -BL

BILLS -2.5 Kansas City Chiefs
Grand-Ma-Ma. Grand-Ma-Ma. Grand-Ma-Ma. Grand-Ma-Ma. Grand-Ma-Ma. Grand-Ma-Ma. Let's go Chiefs! -JG

This is the moment Larry Johnson and his 3 fans have been waiting for. He won't let them down. i got the Chiefs. -BL

INDY -17.5 Houston Texans
Gentlemen, Start Your Engines! Will Indy lay an egg after, arguably, their biggest victory EVER! I doubt it. In fact, I expect fireworks. -JG

What a monster schedule for Indy huh? First the Pats game coming off a Bye week, and now a tough home game against the terminally ill Texans. I got Indy. -BL

OAKTOWN +3.5 Denver Broncos
If Denvers a serious contender, they walk into Oakland and torch the Raiders. If Jake Plummer is a furreal QB, he walks into Oakland and wins the game. I don't know if Denver is legit, yet, but I have some concerns about Oakland and the fact that their leading receiver is Lamont Jordan. Look for some great Champ Bailey - Randy Moss action and Denver covering. -JG

Denver has vastly improved this year compared to previous post-Elway teams. Mike Shanahan hates Al Davis. Those two points equal a Denver win. -BL

CAR -9.5 New York Jets
All the talk in NY is how the J!E!T!S! defense had a pow-wow. How they cleared the air. How they took strides and asked the Def Coordinator to get back to being aggressive. Well, I truly think that will pump up this D. Speaking of pumped up, can someone please send us video footage of the Carolina Cheerleader fiasco. We know it's out there. Please send it to us. JETS! -JG

Now entering the game for the Jets Brooks Bollinger. Someone get Ken O'Brien on the phone ASAP. I got Carolina. -BL

SEA -6.5 St. Louis Rams
What has two thumbs and can't wait for Torry Holt to be back on the field? THIS GUY. Anyway, look for the Seahawks to keep it rolling. -JG

Ah the storied rivalries of the NFC West. Two of the uglier uniforms go at it, and the winner is the team with Shaun Alexander. The Rams D is paper thin, but Bulger and Holt will be back. I like Seattle to win, but that spread is too large for the Rams. I got St. Louis. -BL

TB +1.5 Washington Redskins
This confuses me... Tampa gets FUBARed in San Fran two weeks ago. Gets plastered last week and the Skins are only a 1.5 point favorite? How'd this happen again? You got shirts, I got Skins. -JG

Skins coming off easily the biggest win of the year against the Eagles need to win this game if they have any hopes of making the playoffs. Tampa Bay's QB is Chris Simms. Let's hope that is enough for a Skins win. -BL

ATL -9.5 Green Bay Packers
Remember that one cold January night a few years ago when a young Mike Vick went into Lambeau and stole the glory and mystique from the stadium? Well, that really has nothing to do with anything, but one could argue that that was the end of the Favre-ian era. Granted the next year they went on the crazy run, only to lose to the Eagles on that 4th and 24... But the fact that Favre lost a playoff, freezing temp game at home is something that shouldn't be looked over. Anywho, long story short... I'll take the Pack with the points. -JG

Brett Favre might have been 7-0 if he was the Eagles QB, but that aint happenin. Mike Vick might have been 0-7 if he was the Texans QB. Neither will happen so let's just go with the Falcons here. -BL

PITTS -8.5 Cleveland Browns
This week marked the giddy-est fantasy football moment for me of the season. I got Duce Staley. I got Duce Staley. (to be said like a teasing, obnoxious little boy.) I got Duce Staley. Pitts! -JG

This one is not even fair. This game could only be won by the Browns in the world of Madden. I got the Steelers. -BL

PHILLY -2.5 Dallas Cowboys
You know what, screw Philly. I think they are done. And I think it's about time the rest of the NFC East got some love. In the early 90s when every team in the NFC East won a Super Bowl, EXCEPT for the Eagles, I was genuinely happy. Mmmm, clear the menu, some Tuna on Monday Night. Cowboys. -JG

Last time the Boys were on MNF they gave up 2 TD in the last 5 mins of the 4th qtr. You think Parcells won't be reminding them of that every practice? The Eagles are in free fall. Look for Mcnabb to opt for surgery on his "sports hernia" before week 12. I got the Cowboys. -BL


Season Standings:
JG 72-58
BL 60-70

-Taylor Bunts

First Hollywood, then the Banks, now the NFL

Being jewish there are really only three acceptable professions for one to enter. There is doctor (obvi), lawyer (obvi), and accountant for those who can't do the first two. No where on that list though does it say NFL Defensive Lineman.

My people, well we don't play football. Either because of our mother's constant fear that we might injure ourselves before our cousin's Bat Mitzvah pictures, or the fact that most jews top out at 5'6 165. Football like welding and auto mechanics just isn't cohen friendly. Not anymore though people as now the jews have a D-Lineman to call our own.

Meet Igor Olshansky, the jewish Rosa Parks.

Olshansky is a 6'6 300 pound defensive tackle for the fighting Chargers of San Diego. He also has the honor of being the first communist born athlete in the NFL; immigrating from the Ukraine when he was 9. That's right people read that again, I said 6'6 300 pounds. That is like 2 Jon Stewarts and a Billy Crystal.

Olshansky's offseason interests are Military History and Martial Arts. Sounds like a real mellow guy. Not since David Berkowitz has a jew instilled this much fear into people.

While he isn't the first jewish player in the NFL (how can we forget "Jewish" Jay Fielder) he is certainly the first one big enough to impose his will on others without the use of the legal system.

Igor Olshansky, the biggest jew since Jesus Christ.

- BL

Thursday, November 10, 2005

From the Irony Folder

Even more proof that G_d has a sick sense of humor as a man was shot during a showing of Fiddy's (50 for all my white readers) new movie Get Rich or Die Trying.

People please I beg of you. The Dentist and Mall food advertisements are bad enough, let's not bring homicide into the Loews people.

- BL

Sunday Confessional

At first someone reported that Priest had a tumor in his spinal chord... Coach Dick Vermeil, vehemently denied that. In fact, it seems that whoever came up with that was too busy watching this weeks episode of House.

Anyway... some word is floating around that the real reason Priest is calling it a day is because of Vermeil's long practices.

One league source told ProFootballtalk that Holmes is "A pain in the ass. He is either hurt or bitching about his contract."

Well, I'll say that I am shocked about this behavior. Seriously, I always held the Priest in a higher light.


Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Who's House... T.O.'s House..

Now Taylor Bunts usually isn't the place to check real estate... BUT if you find yourself in a bind and are looking for a place in Moorsetown Township, NJ - you are in luck.

A Mr. T Owens has gladly put his 5 bedroom, 7 bathroom, 3 car garage estate on the market for a shade under $4.4 mill.

I mean, who wouldn't want to lay their bodies on the same satin sheets that T.O did?


And the Winner's ARE...

The 2005 Winner for best Halloween costume!

Thanks to Joey Pants of Island Park, NY for sending in the winning photo.


The Green Lantern's Candle Blew Out Long Before...

3rd and 5.

4th Quarter.

Need a TD to win, need 5 yards to keep the drive going.

Jets QB drops back into the pocket - it's 3rd down, where's #80?

QB finds him - throws it - and #80 does what he always does... Puts his body, his heart, his soul out for the team. He gets 6 yards - moves the chains - ends his career.

You never want to see this happen, never want a player to leave the game this way, concused for the um-teenth time... But it's somewhat poetic that Wayne Chrebet, the same man who came from nowhere (the pride of Hofstra), the same man who earned his living making the big catch at the big time, makes his last catch and has it mean so much.

Chrebet, in the words of my dad, was the man who was ALWAYS OPEN!!!! Big spot, need a first down - #80.

The Anti-Meshaun, the Anti-TO. Chrebet will be remembered by every Jets fan for ever. His legacy will live on.

We bow our heads to you, Wayne and don't take this the wrong way, but we don't want to see you on the field anymore. No more concussions. Please, no more concussions.


Tuesday, November 08, 2005


Jabba The Hutt, er, Bartolo Colon is the winner of the 2005 American League Cy Young. Congrats, Bart, but you know what? I think this is a bunch of crap!

No disrespect to Colon, who at 21-8 with a 3.47 era and 157 Ks, is very deserving of this award... But COME ON!!!

Yankee tantrum Commences In




HOW DOES MARIANO RIVERA not win this award?! HOW does the most dominant pitcher in the game today (yes PITCHER not just relief pitcher) not win this award?! Especially when you factor in that Mo's era of 1.38 was his BEST EVER!!

Come on people... This isn't just a Yankee favoritism thing, this is the truth. The fact that Mo didn't win this award is a travesty. After his meltdown at the beginning of the season (a meltdown that happened after a winter in which Mo didn't pitch - he rested and a spring training in which he was a little sore).


I tip my cap to Bartolo and he tips his scale.

But I'm not happy over this, one bit.


Happy Birthday, Taradise

She's blonde.

She's blitzed.

She's 30!

Happy 30th Birthday, Tara Reid!



Roy, Roy, Roy

Detroit Lions head coach Steve Mariucci told WR Roy Williams that he was "dragging" during the game.

Roy's response: "I'm not a punk," Williams said. "I'm a football player. I was ready at all times. I'm not going to dress if I'm not ready to play. He's the head coach and he manages his players."

Who doesn't love wide receivers?


What Does Sean Alexander Say?

Talk to the Hand!


Always Fun

The List of Fun (top 5) is as follows:
1) The Office
2) Beer Pong
3) Orange Mocha Frappucino
4) NCAA College Bowl Projections
5) Lucy Clarkson

For this post - Let's just examine #4. Bowl Projections.

Some interesting matchups:
Alamo Bowl
Oklahoma v. Michigan

Peach Bowl
Florida State v. Florida


Indy Raceway

Did Peyton Manning finally get the monkey off his back with the Colts 40-21 win against New England? We'll find out next week as they have a chance to put their foot to the neck of the AFC.

I, personally, found the game to be very predictable. Right down to Reggie Wayne going nuts and beating me and the fighting Jonny Mexico's. But The Palm Beach Colons had a different, perhaps deeper and better take on last evenings game:

"The game reminded me of like the 1st time I beat my father in a sport. It wasn't cause I was better than him, but he had gotten older while I was getting younger."

Well said, my friend. Well said.


Queens Manny?

Crack up the butane, folks, because the Hot Stove is heatin' up.

After rumors of a Manny-Vlad marriage or maybe even a Cleveland-Manny reunion... It seems the Mets are not out of the picture, just yet.

The potential Manny to Mets deal would have to include Mike Cameron, Aaron Heilman and prospects Lastings Milledge and Yusmeiro Petit.

Manny is owed $60 mill over the next 3 years. That $60 mill covers a .300 average, 30+ HRs, 130+ RBIs, nappy hair, brain farts, brain cramps, and a beautiful reunion of Pedro and Manny.

Imagine those two reclining under a tree under the Grand Central Parkway. Camera zooms out.

My take... Man Ram will NOT be in Flushing. But what do I know.


Jon Gruden, Behind the Music

When Jon Gruden first became a head coach in Oakland, overcoming his young age to become the youngest coach in the NFL was one of the big feathers in his cap. But what if I told you that like Danny Almonte and El Duque that Jon Gruden was in fact much older than the age he professes.

In fact we here at Taylor Bunts have undeniable proof that not only was Gruden older than we first thought but also the lead singer of one of the 80s great power ballad bands. Jon Gruden was the lead singer of non other than the 'Stones of the 80s' Mr. Mister.

While other coaches were learning the ropes Jon and his band toured the country with the likes of REO Speedwagon, Air Supply, and of course Styx. Look at Jon there in his crisp white shirt and trademark Chucky face. The proof is right there. Jon was the creative force behind such hits as "Broken Wings" and of course the rousing "Kyrie".

We tried to contact the Bucs press office for a comment on this story, but in typical stonewalling fashion we were told that "The Bucs would refuse to comment on this story". Sounds like we hit a nerve huh people?

We here at TBunts will continue to give to you the fan the real truth behind these NFL lies. For instance wasn't Andy Reid in the group PM Dawn? Mike Sherman, the Dad on Alf or not?

We have taken off your mask Jonny boy, now its time for you to embrace your Mr. Mister past and maybe you can "Take these broken wings and learn to fly again".

Fly, Fly, away.

- BL

Monday, November 07, 2005

I'm Sorry TO, But You're Fired

The axe didn't take long to fall on the Terrell Owens story in Philadelphia as Andy Reid has decided to suspend TO for 4 games and then make him inactive for the rest of the season. This Keyshaun-esque treatment will no doubt be signal for the columnists to write "told you so" about Owens.

One has to only sit and wait for the Skip Bayless column about how he knew TO in San Fran, and how he saw the dark heart of Owens then and still now. What does this mean for the Eagles the rest of the season? Pretty much it signals the end of their playoff hopes this year, and allows Mcnabb to bow out by the end of the season with his multiple injuries.

Who will sign TO? Is there a team crazy enough to take on this team killer? Can the Raiders start both Moss and TO? All of these questions still remain, but the money is on some team needing to make a splash once again taking a flyer on the ball of talent and immaturity known as TO.

Not to mix my mediums here people, but TO is so Dunzo.

- BL

The U helps out the BCS

Let me first admit that I am not, nor never have been, a fan of the University of Miami. I trace back this dislike all the way to a Cotton Bowl in the early 90s when one of those classic 90s Cane teams; brutal, cocky, and covered in fatigues ran through and up a sad Texas team.

There were the Canes dancing and hollering, and I hated it. So it is with no great excitement that I write a glowing post about the Hurricanes. Coming into this weekend's game versus Virginia Tech Hokies, the Canes seemed like the big step forward this Hokie team would make, staking their claim to the National Title Game. Marcus Vick, a year removed from a pot suspension, was heralded in places like sports illustrated as being even better than his big bro Mike. The Canes were a nice team, but this was the year VTech took control of the new ACC. Somehow Beamer Ball didn't get the memo.

All Miami did was come out and smack the Hokies in the mouth for sixty straight minutes, looking like those classic Canes of old combining hard nosed defense and a quality running game. Marcus Vick looked more like Marcus Allen back there avoiding the dline of the Canes of everydown. By the end of the first qtr. the game was over for all intensive purposes leaving the Hokies dreams of BCS gold on terminal watch.

The worst part of this game was how beneficial this loss was to the BCS, and its chances of avoiding its constant controversy. Having VTech lose gives the chances that more than one undefeated remains by the end of the season. Right now the BCS best dreams involved USC and Texas being the only two undefeateds leaving little discussion of who should be one/two in the end. Alabama is now the only team that can ruin the BCS party (giving the possibility of another SEC undefeated, Auburn anyone, missing out on a BCS Title Game).

So for all of us that can't help but wonder how the NCAA and the School's Presidents can continue to say how a playoff won't work in Division I (even though it works in almost every other level of play) need to hope for chaos to rule once again in the BCS. This flawed system that still can't perfect a way to pick the top two teams while devaluing the rest of the bowl games (but true can you get much lower than the Music City Bowl) needs to be blown up. Miami sadly with its crushing win might have given the BCS another shaky leg to stand on.

- BL

A bit Nippleeeee

Here's a game... And let's just say that it is about time us men had a way to practice the honored art of looking (or checking out) without getting caught.

Let's just say - I didn't get caught during my first go through, but then the more I played, the quicker I lost and the harder, uh... strike that last one.



Time For the O Face

I debated about what I could say about this and how creative I could possibly link this to something, BUT I think I'll let this one speak for itself. Below is an article from CNN.

A Pennsylvanian man sued his ex-girlfriend for more than $30,000 for gluing his genitals to his abdomen five years ago.

Kenneth Slaby of Pittsburgh is suing Gail O'Toole, with whom he broke up in 1999, after dating for 10 months. Slaby then began dating someone else but, according to the lawsuit, O'Toole invited him over to her home on May 7, 2000, where he fell asleep.

When he woke up, Slaby found that O'Toole had used Super Glue to stick his genitals to his abdomen, glued his buttocks together and spelled out a profanity on his back in nail polish.

O'Toole allegedly told him it was payback for their breakup, and he had to walk a mile (1.6 kilometer) to a gas station to call for help.

"This was not just some petty domestic squabble," Slaby's attorney Grey Pratt said Wednesday.

O'Toole had pleaded guilty to misdemeanor assault and served six months' probation, but her ex-boyfriend is now suing for damages.

O'Toole's attorney, Chuck Evans, said it was a consensual act and Slaby wasn't permanently damaged.

"This is a case that should have been left in the bedroom," he said.

Warm Words and Yes, We're Still Kickin'

Here's an email sent by one of our readers. And I just want everyone out there to know, we are still here and TBunts will go on and on and on and on and on...

Janie Weisman from Peoria, hope you like the Probst pic. You wanted it, you got it. (And no, we won't put up the nude Probst shots.)

Dear Taylor Bunts,

I've never been a person who writes in to web sites and stuff, but I feel that I need to reach out to you.

I noticed a lack in your site and it really, really startled me. Startled me, not because there was nothing there (I understand the rigors of the blogging industry), but it startled me when I realized the void that was created by Taylor Bunts lack of news.

I hope this is just a brief hiccup or maybe even a prolonged siesta (I'm kinda hoping it's just a lack of computer availability or some mysterious Wi-Fi disease) that has left you without access to this site.

Maybe I'm going out on a limb, but not having Taylor Bunts has emptied my insides. I'm not gonna tell you guys how great you are or how important your stuff is, as I'm sure you don't need any reminders of that.

All I'm asking is for more. More of anything. If it's just pictures, cool. If it's swarthy remarks, super. But please, don't leave us high and dry.

It's not just me that misses you... It's all of us.

Come back Taylor Bunts... Come back to the loyalist of your readers... Fill that empty void.

-Crash Davis

PS. My name really is Crash Davis. My parents grew up in Durham (my dad played on the Bulls) and obviously the movie and I hope no narcotics aided in creating my name. Too bad I look more like Robert Wuhl, than Kevin Costner. :(

Lets go to Banana Joe's

Let me just give you a taste, here. Two Carolina Panther cheerleaders were arrested at a bar in the Tampa area.

Now, here's the whole meal: "Witnesses say Angela Keathley and Renee Thomas were engaged in some type of sexual activity inside a bathroom stall at Banana Joe's around 2:20 am Sunday. Another woman waiting to use the bathroom got into an argument with the pair."

I think I need to go to Tampa to do a little more research.

(Thank you, reader Eddie Reynolds, for submitting the above story! And yes, we are still here... Thanks for your kind words.)


Thursday, November 03, 2005

Did I catch a Niner in there?

As Always HOME TEAM is in CAPS and differing games are in BOLD and itallics.


J!E!T!S! +6.5 Bolts
As much as I love Vinny from Elmont... Actually, I have no love left for Vinny from Elmont. LT has as many TD passes as the Pennington, Fiedler, Bollinger, Vinny, Ken O'Brien, Glenn Foley, Browning Neagle, etc. combined. San Diego Super Chargers. -JG

The Jets at this point in the season should be playing for Matt Leinart. Imagine the star power then in NYC. Eli and Matty sharing the same city? Is there enough blondes and coke for both of them? Jets should roll over here. Bolts are the pick.
- BL

VIKES +1.5 Detroit
No 'Pep, no problem. Remember a guy named Brad Johnson? A guy Brad Johnson who lead a Bucs team to a Super Bowl title? Yeah, him. Well, he's the guy in Minnesota now. He's the guy that is going to add stability to that mess (sort of). I'll take the Vikes. -JG

Ding dong the Vikes are dead, really dead, sad but true. Ding dong the Vikings ship is dead. Daunte is out for good, and their secondary led my the toothless Fred Smoot is making everybody look good. The NFC North, its Fantastic! I got the Lions.

BUCS +1.5 Panthers
The Bucs have lost to the Jets and 49ers. The Bucs have Chris Simms under center. Good Night and Good Luck. Panthros. -JG

Tampa Bay, to quote my good friend Lee Flowers, are nothing but paper champions. I mean with Brian Griese at QB this team was way overrated, and now without him its back to basics in TB. Meanwhile the Panthers seem to once again be a legit force in the NFC. Steve Smith is the new model at receiver; a guy who runs precise routes and can out run you down the field. He isn't six feet tall, but neither is Ronde Barber. I got the Panthers.
- BL

CLEVE -3.5 Titans
In Braylon we trust, but not this weekend. I'll take the Alcorn State legend and the Titans. -JG

If two teams meet that no one cares about, and both of them fall down; Do they make a sound? I got the Titans.
- BL

JAX -13.5 Texans
I have gone with Jacksonville a couple of times this year and I've been burned each time. The Texans just got their win, so they aren't due anymore. I'll take the Jag-u-ars. -JG

Well normally I would jump at the chance to see Big John Henderson and the rest of the Jags crunch David Carr, but have you seen the line for this one? Some spread huh? Take the points and the Texans.
- BL

KC -4.5 Oak
Priest has head trauma. That's not good for my fantasy, BUT maybe that means Larry Johnson will get EVERYTHING. KC still is a tough home field advantage and I expect a shoot-out. KC. -JG

Oak town in the house people, the silver and black attack. Sadly that last statement only refers to their fan base, not their toothless team. I got the Chefs, scratch that Chiefs.
- BL

BAL +3.5 Cinci
No Ray and No Ed and the Nevermores put up one helluva fight on Monday Night. And you know what? That fight continues - the Ravens take it to their old coach. -JG

I hate Baltimore, I hate Jamal Lewis, I hate Brian Billick. Enough reasons for ya? I got the Bengals.
- BL

MIA +2.5 Falcons
A bye week to get Mike Vick healthy? Trouble for the Dolphins. I take the Falcons and does anyone else find it strange that both Marcus and Michael are playing against a Miami team this weekend? -JG

Mike Vick is having probably the most boring winning season in recent memory. The Falcons have decided his whole running around and throwing the ball up for grabs thing might not be the best way to win. Jim Mora Jr. is taking a power running game and a solid D towards the playoffs. The only question is what happens when a good D focuses on the Atlanta run game? I got the Falcons.
- BL

NO +2.5 Chicago
I'm taking the Bears here... But since I was in the Windy City last weekend, thought I'd share a story. At a Halloween party the other night at a bar. Frank Thomas, er World Champion Frank Thomas, attended the same party, cause that's how I roll. Anyway, my buddy's girlfriend spills her entire beer all over The Big Hurt. Hilarious, right? Well, add to the fact that in the cab ride back I had to tell her who Frank Thomas was, the comedy was Everest High. -JG

Tom "Boogie" Benson recently claimed that after his one appearance in Baton Rouge that he would never visit the city again. Well I have been to Baton Rouge, and let me second the feelings of Boogie. The biggest draw there was McDonalds which served breakfast until noon. Ahh Egg McMuffin. I got the Bears.
- BL

SAN FRAN +10.5 New York G-Men
Eli to Shockey. Eli to Plax. Tiki up the middle. Eli to Plax. Tiki up the middle. That should be enough to cOver the spread. -JG

Well I can admit that I was impressed by the smackdown the Giants put on the Redskins last week. Their offense is very good and the D for once actually took a stand. Can it happen this week? They're playing the 49ers people. G-Men it is.
- BL

ZONA +4.5 Seahawks
Hey everyone, Kurt Warner is starting this weekend. By default, wouldn't you have to take the Seahawks? -JG

Dennis Green is someone who always takes the high road, sadly in Arizona the highest round is a tunnel. ZING. Give me the Hawks.
- BL

GREEN BAY +6.5 Steelers
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Lambeau is the hallowed ground and what not, but Big Ben just went under the knife. If there ever was a game that the Steelers could lose and still feel good about themselves it's this one. I'll take the Pack. But if the Packers lose and end up with the first pick in the draft, do they take Leinart? Didn't they just draft the next Favre in Aaron Rodgers? -JG

I feel so bad for Favre right now. If the Packers bench him for any reason this season a pox on all their houses. The Steelers are mean and nasty, let's hope they all play nice. Sidenote for this game who has the better hair? Troy Polamalu or Al Harris. I got the Steelers.
- BL

WASH -2.5 Eagles
I think LaVarr will play more. I think TO won't play. I think the Skins will knock em in the mouth. -JG

The Skins were embarassed last week, and I think they take out all that anger this week against the Eagles. Mcnabb is limping around, and even if TO plays look the Redskins blitz to never let up. REDSKINS BABY.
- BL

PATS +3.5 Indy
The day of reckoning is upon us and I don't know if the Colts will score that many points, but I think they score more than the Pats. In fact, I think they'll score more than 3.5 points more than the Pats. -JG

This is where the Pats team we all know and love makes their final stand. I see the Colts like the soliders from Glory charging up to that fort full of fight ready to give it their all only to be met by a cannon full of Brusci. I think the Pats pull another one out here. Pats is the pick.
- BL


Season Standings:
JG 64-51
BL 51-65

-Taylor Bunts

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

It's A Drunk Pumpkin...

Happy belated Halloween.