First Hollywood, then the Banks, now the NFL

Being jewish there are really only three acceptable professions for one to enter. There is doctor (obvi), lawyer (obvi), and accountant for those who can't do the first two. No where on that list though does it say NFL Defensive Lineman.

My people, well we don't play football. Either because of our mother's constant fear that we might injure ourselves before our cousin's Bat Mitzvah pictures, or the fact that most jews top out at 5'6 165. Football like welding and auto mechanics just isn't cohen friendly. Not anymore though people as now the jews have a D-Lineman to call our own.

Meet Igor Olshansky, the jewish Rosa Parks.

Olshansky is a 6'6 300 pound defensive tackle for the fighting Chargers of San Diego. He also has the honor of being the first communist born athlete in the NFL; immigrating from the Ukraine when he was 9. That's right people read that again, I said 6'6 300 pounds. That is like 2 Jon Stewarts and a Billy Crystal.




Olshansky's offseason interests are Military History and Martial Arts. Sounds like a real mellow guy. Not since David Berkowitz has a jew instilled this much fear into people.

While he isn't the first jewish player in the NFL (how can we forget "Jewish" Jay Fielder) he is certainly the first one big enough to impose his will on others without the use of the legal system.

Igor Olshansky, the biggest jew since Jesus Christ.

- BL