Forget the curve ball. Give 'em the heater!

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Red Light District

That is not an optical illusion, there really is a red light over John "Judy" Garland, and we can all see it. Judy started the year 8-0, but his last two starts look more and more like the Garland of old. He gave up 7 earned runs to Texas in his last start while only working 6 innings. Now Garland has lost his last 2 starts, but both were on the road so maybe the best medicine for Judy will be a home game. Yes i am about to do this;

For Judy there seems to be no place like home.

- BL

Bronx Horror Show

A couple of quick thing to take away from the Yanks/Sox series (from the POV of a Yanks fan):

-The pitching staff was bruised and battered, but the days of expecting domination have long since ended. Granted this is a pitching staff that has a higher pay-roll than 27 other teams, and these should be the guys who strike fear in the opponents, but I think it's time we realize that this won't happen. I watched Josh Beckett over the weekend and the WB showed Beckett taking exception to Victor Diaz trotting around the bases and Kenny Lofton dropping his bat. All I can say is Beckett showed some bark (more so then Barg's Root Beer). He yelled and screamed, and you know what, those guys know that you don't mess with Beckett. Now we all know Beckett is a Clemens in training and has the stuff to match, but where is that passion from the Pin Stripe staff? The staff is good enough to eat innings and beat up on lesser teams and maybe even hope to find a team that is pressing too much, but when push comes to shove that ain't gonna cut it.

-The Yanks won a game that Wakefield started. Conversely, the Yanks won a game that Unit started.

-Mo saved a game.

-Jeter shines as bright as the spotlight. (refering to Sunday's lead off HR)

-Did Renteria make an out? And if so, isn't this guy supposed to be crap?

-Did anyone tell Pavano and Mussina that batting practice takes place BEFORE the anthem?

-ARod will continue to get booed, FOREVER!!! And his defense at 3rd has Yanks fan clamoring for the triumphant return of Charlie Hayes.

-More on ARod. His homers and big hits, actually, have an impact on games. It's just that those games are against the Tigers and Athletics.

-What's the deal with Chin Hair, I mean really? What's the deal with that?

-Boomah!?! LOATHE him. He's not quite at the Schilling Level, but it's growing by the day.

-Did anyone watching Sunday's games think that Papi WASN'T going to destory Mussina? As posted last week, WHEN WILL THE YANKS GROW SOME BALLS AND PUT THIS GUY ON HIS ASS?!?!?!?!?!?!

-If the Yanks did, in fact, sign Pedro, would he have plunked Papi?

-Fearsome lineup by the Yanks on Sunday - Sanchez and Johnson batting 8th and 9th.

-With solid teams throughout the AL and the wild card, seemingly, a reach for the Yanks; who is confident that the Yanks can go into Fenway for the final series of the year and make some noise. Imagine if the Yanks need 2 of 3 to make the playoffs, does anyone believe this can be done?

-Let Wang loose!

-With the Sox against the Orioles, I would think we would want the Os to sweep this 4 game set with the hope to gain ground on the Os at a later point.



Big Papi is the new Daddy

Ok I am can now admit I wasnt very high on my boys from Boston coming into this weekend's series with the Yankees. I believe I even predicted the possibility of a sweep, with the Sox stumbling into the Bronx and the Yankees seemingly righting the ship, I was to put it in a word; concerned. Boy was I wrong.

Lessons we learned from this weekend.

1. Yankee Pitching still isnt any good - Sure the Yankees seemed to reclaim their pitching staff, but that was by feasting on the As and Mariners of the world. The Yanks had their top three starters this series and each was more dissapointing then the next. Randy Johnson while getting the win on friday still didnt look like the nasty (to borrow a word from Charlie Weis) Big Unit that we were used to. Carl Pavano was the whipping boy on saturday as the Sox scored two touchdowns and a field goal before the dust cleared. Then their was Mike Mussina who by all accords owns most of the Sox lineup throwing the shortest outing since 2002 as the Sox seemed to crush any and every pitch he sent to the plate. Someone move those Roger Clemens rumors to the front burner because its an almost lock that King George will get fed up with this staff.

2. Red Sox Pitching is Reborn - Ok forget the fact that Tim Wakefield went out their on Friday and did what he always does to the yankees; combine that great knuckle and control to not dominate the Yanks, but give the Sox a chance to win. Matt Clement and David Boomer Wells were the real stories of the weekend. Clement, who the Red Sox signed only after losing out on the Pavano sweepstakes, seems to be the dominant power pitcher the Sox need to contend. Clement combines fastballs on either side of the plate with a "nasty" slider which overmatched Yankee hitters. Clement is the real deal, but I cannot defend his goatee. Speaking of terrible goatees, David Wells reclaimed his mantle at Yankee Stadium as he exorcised the demons of opening day. After starting off with 2 solos shots in the 1st inning Wells did what all great pitchers do; he settled down and mowed down the rest of the lineup. With the emergence of Clement and the surge by Boomer can the Sox right the ship and defend their title?

3. Jason Giambi is still a Yankee - I wish I had a neon sign with that on it.

4. John Miller and Joe Morgan should call every televised baseball game - There was a moment in the 3rd inning of sunday's game when Morgan and Miller wished a happy dominican mother's day to Big Papi's Mother, and I couldnt have been more interested. Miller does the best spanish reading of any announcer on TV, and Morgan should do the voice overs for Calgon his voice is so soothing. I think every play by play guy should be able to incorporate a foreign language.

5. Big Papi was the best hitter in the Bronx this weekend - I think there was a point in Sunday's game when Joe Morgan remarked that the only way to get Ortiz out was to "not throw him strikes". Papi took a low hanger and drove it into the upper deck in his first ab, and the word came down on his next ab to go at him with high cheese. Well he took that pitch to dead, let me repeat DEAD centerfield into the black seats of Yankee Stadium. For a player who the Sox got off of waivers after the Twins decided a great pull hitter wasnt for them, Ortiz has become the lynchpin of the sox offense.

Ok I know it was only a 3 game series, what could it mean? But with the Orioles leading the East and the Wildcard looking like a tight race these games carry increased meaning (if thats even possible) , and coming out of this weekend the World Champs still looked like the Champs of old, while the Yankees just looked Old.

- BL

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Joke of The Day

The Wedding Day:

Four novice nuns were about to take their vows.

Dressed in their white gowns, they came into the chapel with the Mother Superior, and were about to undergo the ceremony to marry them to Jesus, making them "brides of Christ."

Just as the ceremony was about to begin, four Hasidic Jews with yarmulkes, long sideburns and long beards came in and sat in the front row.

The Mother Superior said to them, "I am honored that you would want to share this experience with us, but do you mind if I ask you why you came?"

One of the Jews replied, "We're from the groom's family."



How bout a round of applause for Paul Quantril? Seriously! I consider myself like a relief pitcher or maybe even a QB b/c I have a short memory, so it's easy for me to forget Quantril giving up the game winning homer to Papi in game 4 of the ALCS. But that's neither here nor there. What needs to be talked about is what Quantril did last night in the Yanks game against the Tigers. A-Rod hits two dingers, and then his next at-bat he steps to the plate and gets plunked.

(HOW MANY FREAKIN' TIMES CAN THIS HAPPEN TO THE YANKS WITHOUT THEM RETALIATING?!?!?!?! On Saturday, Jeter gets plunked AND has to be taken out of the game and does The Unit even bother to strike fear in anyone? No, of course not! Unit's a different story altogether, to be addressed at a different time.)

Back to Quantril. After A-Rod gets hit, Quan takes the mound and fires a pitch BEHIND a Detroit batter. This gets the crowd amped up and draws a warning from the Home Plate Ump. The very next pitch, Quantril drills the batter right between the shoudler blades. FINALLY! Now, in no way do I want to see an injury or anything to that effect, but I want to see some BALLS! And last night, Quantril (of all people) showed a large set of them.

For TOO long the Yanks have been getting hit with no repercussions and hopefully that stopped last night. I'm sure Quantril will serve the obligatory suspension, but he has earned a spot in my heart. Time to show some fire and maybe we'll see that this weekend when the Sox come to town. Heck, maybe the Unit will give Papi a bow-tie!


Mummy Slaps CBS Producer!!!

Burt Reynolds has been doing lots of press recently for the remake of The Longest Yard, the original felons play sports movie. I actually dont think I would pay 10 bucks to see this thing, but I would pay money to watch Burt fight. Lucky for us we can watch Burt bitch slap a CBS producer for free. Now word yet if the question that rubbed Burt wrong concerned his actions in Cannonball 3, and whether or not it was illegal to dress as nuns to avoid the police. Either way there is no Dom Delloise in sight.

- BL

Monday, May 23, 2005

Book Report :) The Jump

The Jump: Sebastian Telfair and the High-Stakes Business of High School Ball

A somewhat scary look into what a premier high school hoops player goes through in deciding between pros and college. The Jump follows Sebastian Telfair, the Coney Island King, through his senior season at Lincoln High School. A season in which the Rail-Splitters go for a third consecutive title, travel cross country with the “next LeBron,” play in front of scouts NCAA and NBA, but most importantly SNEAKER COMPANIES. Intriguing look at the Stephon Marbury/Sebastian Telfair relationship as well as looks at other prep to pro wannabees. Enjoyed it so much, I signed Telfair on my fantasy hoops team.

On a scale of One to Five Basketballs: FOUR BASKETBALLS


A Giant Edgar Suit

Remember Edgar Renteria, he of the bloop single bringing the first World Series Title to the Florida Marlins. Him of the Gold Glove defense and the protypical 2 hole hitter. Well that Edgar, like St. Ides Special Brew, is gone and never coming back. Why did the Red Sox spurn the young World Series champion Orlando Cabrera (OC) for an older version of OC in Edgar. Renteria's stats have been terrible so far with him batting .239 in what was the most potent offense in baseball last year, oh and he makes 8 million a year.

You know its getting near critical mass on Edgar when all the color guys can talk about is how great of a "situational hitter" he is. Situational hitter is just another way of saying he gets out a lot. This is the AL not the NL where the only situation is to hit the snot out of the ball into the monster or around Pesky's Pole. We dont bunt a runner over in Beantown, we just hit the cover off the ball.

Where is OC? Probably riding a bike with Marissa on his back while Seth skateboards on his left side dreaming of what the Summer days hold.


Friday, May 20, 2005

She's a Perfect -- Game

18 up, 18 down with 18 Ks! Wowzers!! What else can be said? She's 11 years old and has struck out 32 of the 33 batters faced this season.

Repeat, she's 11 and has now done what no NY Mets pitcher ever has. Now that's exciting!


Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Manny's Information Super Highway

Manny Ramirez (2004 World Series MVP) recently announced he would be auctioning off his 400th HR ball on Ebay. Manny has said that all money raised from the auction will be given to the charity of his choice. We learn more and more about the real Manny Ramirez as his career moves on. I mean who knew he could spell Ebay.


Tuesday, May 17, 2005

First The Fatboys Break Up, Now This!

You get the pipe that my friend left in my car. I keep the braids. You keep Tice's pencil. I'll rub Al's shouders. You keep the purple. I'll take the silver and black. Thank goodness they didn't have any children, cause this break could get real messy. The big question is, who gets the Whizzinator? Our guess is Onterrio will sort that out.

"Once you grow to love a person, a breakup is kind of hard," Randy Moss said. "I thought Culpepper was (my friend), but now that everything's happened, it seems to me I lost a friend."

"My phone number hasn't changed," Daunte Culpepper said, implying that Moss has not contacted him. "If you're my friend, why haven't you talked to me? Know what I'm saying?"



Friday, May 13, 2005

It's Friday, We cant be asked to Concentrate

I hated Biology class in high school, possibly because I never really thought I would be using cellular mitosis in real life situations. Turns out I just didnt have the right Bio teacher. Students at this school had the grand opportunity of watch a sedated dog being dissected. He's ALIVE I TELL YOU ALIVE. The dog and my lunch both didnt survive.

- BL

Thursday, May 12, 2005

The Fans Choi-ce

No one rocks a stadium quite like Big Choi!

(needs audio)

And this is to all those who doubted Hee Seop. Those who said his name would never ever (ever, ever?) appear in the same sentence as Mark Grace. It seems, for now, Big Choi has the last laugh.


Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Trying to Get Around the Horn?

Ok any frequent ESPN viewer knows that Pardon the Interuption was the greatest original progamming decision since the inception of Baseball Tonight, but there is always a dark side to TV hits. Spinoffs are just par for the course, and the PTI love child Around the Horn has always been the bastard no one wanted in the first place. Sure we love Jay Mariotti and Woody Paige, but the show lost its "signature host" Max Kellerman and replaced him with the closest thing in Stat Boy. Kellerman is such a Jewgine (Jewish person who acts Italian) one doesnt even miss his faux facial hair.

Side Note: Whoever told Max Kellerman that moving to Fox Sports was a good move was probably the same person who told him to keep Michael Holley and his braces around. Fox Sports is like on channel 1002, and his show is non existent.

Anyway the problem with Around the Horn is you have columnists trying to turn themselves into TV personalities. If you really want to see their real talents then stick to their columns. Jay Mariotti turns the spotlight on Sammy Sosa and his recent bout with mysterious injuries ala Nomar and his ripped off groin. A must read for Sosa haters.

- BL

Is Beane Nuts?

Today's topic: Where will Giambi land? Well, one possible place is back where this whole thing started, Oaktown. I can almost imagine the homecoming dinners at the Bonds household, "Barry, mmm, this flaxseed is so... tender."

*Note to Giambi, don't let Bonds steal your chef like he did with Sheffield.

And btw, love the John Jaha reference...


Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Danza is NASCAR

Ok this is the closest thing you will ever get to having a NASCAR post on this site. While I respect the fact that these guys drive over 150 MPH, its the whole "the south will rise again" "you wear your X, I'll wear mine" mentality that gets to me. Here is even more evidence of a Red State/Blue State battle as New York's own Tony Danza is attacked by the cowardly Rusty Wallace, a man not to be trusted. Next week Tony is racing Giacomo's jockey on the Carousel in Central Park, and we will make sure to bring you that right here on TaylorBunts.

- BL

Classy is a Relative Term

The Palace at Auburn Hills has announced it will be opening new below court luxury boxes priced at 450 K a year. Now before you start asking yourself how anyone could pay for luxury boxes below court level with no actual view of the court? Well this is Detroit so if it doesnt have bullet holes or smells like urine, it must be the "rich part of town"

- BL

Giam-buh bye?

After yet another 0-fer night for Giambi, it seems the boo-birds are getting too loud to silence. This begs the question, what next for the Giambino? Flipping burgers at In 'N Out or taking on The Miz at Wrestlemania.

"Giambi is 34, a non-athlete, a water buffalo among swans." - Joel Sherman


Monday, May 09, 2005

Book Report :) Who's Your Caddy?

Who's Your Caddy?: Looping for the Great, Near Great, and Reprobates of Golf

Ever read something where you think, “damn I should have done that” or at least, “damn I wish I could do that!” Well, Rick Reilly went there, sat it down on the table and opened it up. Reilly puts on his caddy clothes and follows some of the more famous golfers over the course of a round, a weekend and a tourney. Golfers, names the likes of Nicklaus, Daly, Duval, Lehman, and…Trump all make lasting impressions in the book. Funny, light hearted, quick read and very filling. Couldn’t put it down.

On a scale of One to Golf balls: FIVE GOLF BALLS


Does the NBA still have coaches?

The NBA, who last I checked was now a GM's league and not a Coach's league, gave out its 2005 Coach of the Year award. The winner was the coach of the Phoenix Suns, you know that guy who coaches the suns, the old white guy sitting on the end of the bench, everyone knows this guys name. I actually thought that the coach of the suns was the Phoenix Gorilla, but no its someone named Mike D'Antoni. If Mike D'Antoni took a crap on my lawn I wouldnt't know who he was, but he's probably best friends with Steve Nash, and he's cool. Although he's one bad season away from coaching in the NBDL, so here's a big taylorbunts high five to Coach D'Antoni a guy who could be slicing meat by the time you read this.

Feed The Rumor Mill

Miami may be the place for Law:
Ty Law can all but count out Kansas City as a possible landing place. The Chiefs were interested in the free agent cornerback before acquiring Patrick Surtain, but with what the Postons are asking for Law, they've lost interest. Many believe he'll end up in Pittsburgh or with the Jets, but don't count out Miami, where he'd only have to drive a few minutes to practice. One AFC personnel man with knowledge of Law's health and demands predicted that the four-time Pro Bowl selection will fare well after June 1 but not as well as he hopes. "There will be a lot of demand for a player like Ty," he said. "He's still one of the best corners in football when he's healthy and there's no reason to believe he won't be healthy. If he thinks he'll get a contract like Surtain's, he's wrong, but what's wrong with Ken Lucas money [about $6.5 million]? What else is he going to do in life to get paid like that?"

Oh and Go Blue!


Lloyd and Clear

What's next, Lloyd's going to open up a pet store named "We Got Worms!" What are the odds the lovely Mrs. Benson dumps some Turbo Lax in Lloyd's coffee?

"I'd just like to know whose fault it will be when he doesn't get it done this season," Lloyd McClendon told the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette. "You know it won't be his fault. ... Doesn't the onus have to be on the player once in a while? When you're on that mound, it's just you out there. You had better have some (nerve). (Benson) had great stuff for us, but he didn't have the heart of a lion. They'll find that out in New York."


Poor King George

If you are going to have to sit through an hour of NBC's Tom Hammond sucking up to multi-millionaires who have enough money to waste on million dollar hobbies, you might as well see one of them get egg on their face. Giacomo, which I believe is the name of one of Tino Martinez's sons, won the Kentucky Derby this weekend, and wow was it boring.

Giacomo was a 50-1 shot to win the race, and who could bet on odds like that. 50-1 odds is akin to being down 0-3 in a seven game series to the self-proclaimed greatest team ever. Who could overcome those steep odds?

CNN/SI has all the enjoyable details on the Red Sox's, oh sorry I mean Giacomo big victory.

- BL

Friday, May 06, 2005

Don't Get Mad, Call 911

Here is an amazing 911 phone call showcased on the Howard Stern Show, a woman in California calls 911 after the lazy staff of Burger King refuse to make her Whooper.


- BL


Steve Nash wins NBA MVP AWARD!!!!!

Now go back to your meaningless life while Steve Nash goes out tonight and ends up fucking a supermodel on a flaming pile of cash.

- BL

Chlamydia Outbreak Kills a Dozen Penguins

When I first read that headline, I feared that I may never see Mario Lemieux again. But then I realized it was the other type of penguin. What a relief! Somewhere Jaromir Jagr is blow drying is hair.


Obligatory NBA Playoff Post

Ok, for anyone wondering where the NBA posts are, I mean gosh dont these guys know the playoffs are on? Well we do, but like how can we say this with some tact. The NBA sucks. The NBA has sucked since John Tesh's NBC intstrumentals and the holy trinity of Marv, Walton and Snapper were thrown to the wayside. Where is Larry Johnson? Is he walking down supermarket aisles throwing up the LJ everytime he finds an item on sale?

3 Quick Changes the NBA should make

1. Find a way to make the actual Rules inforced
I am sick of watching games, where either an obvious foul or an obvious flop is misjudged by the ref, and then just chalked up to the fact that each ref has a different way of calling the games. This isnt something subjective as say the MLB strike zone, but defined rules. Walking three steps is traveling, slap a wrist thats a foul, kick out your leg ala Reggie Miller and flop the ground is nothing more than theatrics. When all else fails look to the NFL, where the rules are so concrete that regularly a causal fan or color commentator can make the same call. Think about that next time that yellow flag comes out two yards behind the line of scrimage on a 3rd and long, and you yell HOLDING at John Runyan.

2. Stop the Alternate Jerseys
If you flip on any NFL game on a sunday it will take a normal fan no more that five seconds to tell who is playing by the helmets of the guys on the field. In the NBA though teams are like chamelons changing colors as quickly as they roll blunts. Hey why are the Hawks wearing neon yellow? Why are the Lakers wearing baby blue? The NBA is run more by their marketing and apparel wizards who promised that by giving the kids all the pretty colors would instill excitement in the new colors, and they were right to a point. The problem though is, like everything, over saturation, and while the idea of a magenta Kings jersey sounds like fun it does nothing but leave those of us trying to figure out who is playing a big headace.

3. You Play to Win the Game
Is there any NBA player who actually cares anymore about winning? While you could list the players in the league who are the real deal; iverson, garnett, duncan, and nash. On the other hand the list of players who picked selfish reasons over team goals is as long as Shawn Kemp's christmas list. Kobe Bryant wanted to be the man so much he broke up one of the greatest tandems ever, Antoine Walker plays for the Three point shootouts, Glenn Robinson, Latrell Spreewell, Kwame Brown, All of the Trailblazers, Chris Webber, Stephen Jackson, and the hits just keep on coming.

Ok I could hate on the NBA for hours and hours, but hey its the only time of the year I watch the NBA, so maybe its all in my head. So for all of you watching these upcoming games enjoy, I'll be turning in for the real game when the players give it their all; Free Agency Contract signings in the offseason

- BL

Zim Job!

First Pedro. Now The Boss. Bring on Holyfield!

"Don Zimmer, Joe Torre's bench coach for eight years, said the real culprit in the Yankees' bad start has been the principal owner George Steinbrenner. 'He's got to have a fall guy,' Zimmer, now a senior adviser for the Tampa Bay Devil Rays, said on Thursday. 'Who it's going to be, I don't know. If someone should be the fall guy, it should be him.' "


Thursday, May 05, 2005

Joke of The Afternoon

Two blonde nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits.

After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint naked. In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door.

"Who is it?" calls one of the nuns.

"The blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door.The two nuns look at each other and shrug and, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door.

"Nice boobs," says the man. "Where do you want the blinds?"


Absolutely Kell-en the Browns!

In the most recent attempt to be the next Jay Williams, The Akron Beacon Journal is reporting that Kellen Winslow (or K2) may have torn his ACL. If that rumor's correct, there will be no football for K2 this season.

At least Braylon will be there for the Browns because honestly how much ego can one offense have.



Swing for the fences!

the current record is 107 Taters. That, allegedly, took 10 minutes.


Ron Mexico Gear

For the sports fan who has everything we bring you the Ron Mexico collection. If anyone wants to get us a "new blog" gift, we'd take the Mexican Flag Ron.

- BL

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Cinco De Mayo All Stars

In honor of Cinco de Mayo we, here, would like to present an All Star team befitting the day. So without further ado our 1st annual Cinco de Mayo All Stars.

C - Ivan "Pudge" Rodriguez
Pudge seriously has to be considered as one of the greatest catchers (both offensive and defensive) of all time. So what that he only calls fastballs with runners on just so he could throw out every potential base stealer. What bothers us is him kissing Ugueth Urbina.

1b - David "Big Papi" Ortiz
Shocked to not see Albert Pujols here? Ortiz earns his spot for not only incorporating the term Papi into Irish South Boston's vocabulary, but also for his 139 RBIs last season. Oh and his ability to shake the knees of any Yankee Pitcher.

2b - Alfonso Soriano
What Sori lacks in defense and in patience at the plate, he makes up for it by jogging to first base. Sori’s bat speed has drawn comparisons to Hammerin’ Hank and his plate coverage starts at the pitchers mound. And had Mariano Rivera closed out Game 7 against the DBacks, Sori would have taken home the World Series MVP trophy. Instead, he got traded and the baseball world discovered that he was 2 years older than they thought.

3b - Alex Rodriguez
When ARod retires he might own every single major offensive record. But when all’s said and done, will he be remembered for his stats or for this:

SS - Miguel Tejada
Tejada received the highest vote total this year. One of those voters was no doubt Peter Gammons who recently said that Tejada was the best overall player in the baseball. The hardest thing for Tejada to overcome is playing his career in Oakland and Baltimore. Most fans associate Derek Jeter with SS in the AL, but the real star is in B-More.

LF - Manny Ramirez
Manny has been one of the top hitters in the majors his entire career, but what makes him really special are those little Manny things that only he can get away with. Carrying a bottle of water in his back pocket in the field? Doing more with his hair than J-LO? Speaks to the media rarely and in weird cryptic verse? All par for the course with Man-Ram.

CF - Carlos Beltran
Carlos is 28 years old, makes 11 million a year, is the best player in New York City, and puts honey on his Hot Dogs. Jealous?

RF - Vladimir Guerrero
Besides being the reigning AL MVP, Vlad has hit 30+ HRs and knocked in over 100 RBIs every year but one (injured, only played 3/4s of the season) and managed to bat over .300 every season. Combine that with an AK47 strapped to his shoulder and he might be the most complete player in the game. From now on, everyone must refer to him as, The Daddy.

DH- Rafael Palmeiro
The sweetest swing in baseball isn't a tired cliché when said about Raffy. When he's not denying taking little red pills his endorsing little blue ones. Is there anything this 19 yr veteran can't do?

SP - Pedro Martinez
Call him a Diva, Call him Your Daddy, Call him whatever you want, but just know if he's on the mound you are always close to seeing greatness. Simply put Pedro is the best Latin pitcher of the past decade. 1999, the year most agree was his most dominate, he became almost untouchable going 23-4 with a 2.07 ERA. He has lost some of his velocity in the past years, but yet continues to mix in that circle changeup causing the headaches in the NL that he caused for years in the AL.

SP - Johan Santana
What Pedro was to the 90s, Johan is to the 00s. Starting out as a flame throwing setup man then moving into the starting role, Santana is the lefty power pitcher other teams (Yankees?) would love to have. His 265 Ks in 2004 was a wake up call to anyone for anyone outside of Minnesota that Johan was the real deal.

RP- Mariano Rivera
Say your prayers little one. don't forget, my son. to include everyone.tuck you in, warm within. keep you free from sin. till the sandman he comes.sleep with one eye open. gripping your pillow tightexit light. enter night. take my hand. off to never never land.

RP - Franciso Rodriquez
KRod makes $440K/year. Mo makes twice that per month (his salary projects to $875K/month). But KRod is as nasty as and maybe even nastier than the Sandman. See for yourself:
So nasty he made these fashionable:

Via Con Dios
-BL & JG

The Stench of Decaying Yankees

Today is the day to kick around the Yankees, and now ESPN's Bob Klapisch has weighed in on the current woes in the Bronx.

"As for Giambi, the Yankees still think they can trade him – hoping other GMs haven't figured out he's had a "cooler" effect on the rest of the lineup – but no one seems interested.

"He'd have to come for free," is what one executive said unenthusiastically, meaning the Yankees would have to absorb every last penny of the $82 million Giambi is owed. But Steinbrenner might not have a choice."

Jason Giambi is quickly turning into the Poster Boy for the Yankees troubles this year, and with their team salary hovering around 200 million there seems to be no cure in sight.

- BL

Book Report :) Moneyball

Moneyball: The Art of Winning an Unfair Game – Michael Lewis
I don’t know where to begin with this book; Billy Beane as an athletic freak or as a baseball genius. Moneyball gives an intimate look into the clubhouse and the front office at the trade deadline, both are always a plus. Takes you for a ride by showing how scouting translates from numbers on a page to numbers on the field and introduces the reader to the wondrous Nick Swisher, Jeremy Brown and The Greek God of Walks, Kevin Youkilis. Moneyball shows that baseball can be more than swing and miss, it’s don’t swing and walk. A must read for all those who wonder how teams can compete against the open check books of large market teams. A must read all together.

On a scale of One to Five Baseballs: FIVE BASEBALLS


Playing Hard to Get?

"There's no way I can go play for the Yankees, but I know they are going to come after me hard," Johnny Damon said in a story on the Red Sox website. "It's definitely not the most important thing to go out there for the top dollar, which the Yankees are going to offer me. It's not what I need." - DAVID HEUSCHKEL, Courant Staff Writer,0,4170450.story?coll=hc-headlines-baseball


Bob Ryan and the S-Word

Bob Ryan, the elder statesman of Boston Sports, finally says what's been on the mind of anyone who used to root for Nomar.

Money Quote

"But he did go from, like, standard athlete issue normal to ultra-buffed in one winter, and he has been -- there is no other way to say it -- systematically breaking down for the past six years, so you can't help wondering just what he's been putting into his body other than Wheaties and sirloin steaks. If we're going to assume that Mark McGwire's physical breakdown was because of a reliance on steroids, then it would be quite logical to adopt the same line of thinking about Nomar. It's a legitimate question."

Pandora's Box has been opened, and it would be futile to think Nomar will be the last Superstar to fall under the cloud of the S-Word.

- BL

"Maybe the 2005 Yankees are paying a price for years of mistakes."

"These were the same guys who could not get a deal done with total pro Miguel Cairo and overspent for Womack. The same guys who a year earlier saw Williams' defensive liabilities; overpaid for Kenny Lofton; and a year later ignored Carlos Beltran, deciding Bubba Crosby was enough of a safety net. The same guys who traded Damaso Marte for Enrique Wilson and included Yhency Brazoban in the Brown deal — or in other words gave away what would be the majors' best lefty-righty set-up tandem for essentially nothing." - Joel Sherman


Hats for Bats?

Somewhere Ruben Rivera is smiling!


Old Yeller

Kevin Brown's Line last night against Tampa Bay

5.0 IP 13H 8ER 2K

His line for the Season is now

0-4 8.25 ERA 1.88 WHIP

If he was a horse you'd have to put a bullet in his head.

- BL

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Jason Stark's Injury of the Week

"Twins shortstop Jason Bartlett got hurt during the Twins' series in Detroit last week. But the bad news is, he did it on a day they got snowed out and without leaving the hotel.
Bartlett was trying to rotate the TV in his room so he could watch a basketball game, got a finger caught under the TV – and ripped off a fingernail."

-Jason Stark's Rumblings 5/3,


Like Sandberg through the Hourglass

We all get old, but we all don't get to write a column for Yahoo! Sports, but lucky for us the great former Cub Ryan Sandberg gets to. What was shocking for me was not that Ryno could actually make some coherent points, but just how old he has gotten. I dare you to not stare at the headshot of this former all-star, who now looks more like Caleb on the OC than the hard playing 2nb he once was. History waits for no Cub.


Papi Talks Roids

``Let me tell you something. My English is not the best, but I can understand everything. I can read, I can write. And sometimes, I misunderstand things. Think about a guy who can't really talk or read?'' Papi said. ``I'm not making excuses for those guys. But I think they would prefer if someone talked to them (in Spanish) . . . the system is all (expletive). You might think everyone's got the message, but they don't.''

Papi Ortiz thinks the system's wrong. Papi thinks Latin American players are taking illegal substances because of the language barrier. Papi thinks that there needs to be a way for the MLBPA to teach Latin American players what to look for and what not to take. And you know what? He's right. Just look at the guys who have tested positive, four of the five players suspended have come from Latin American countries.


Book Report :) The Last Night of the Yankee Dynasty

The Last Night of the Yankee Dynasty: The Game, the Team, and the Cost of Greatness - Buster Olney

If I taught a class on Yankee history, I would assign this to my summer reading list. The Last Night gives in depth looks into the Yankee clubhouse, front office and players lives outside of the game. Game seven against the D-Backs haunts me still to this day, but reading about it proved rather cleansing. I opened the book on my train ride to work and seriously contemplated not getting off the train until the book was finished. Great read for baseball lovers. Excellent read for Yankee lovers.

On a scale of One to Five Baseballs: FIVE BASEBALLS

AARP in the Bronx

Have the Yankees and the Boss been spending so much time in Tampa that they have started to resemble the mahjong tile fans that watch them at Legends Field? The Yankees are old, slow, and injury prone. And not getting any younger. The off-season “purchase” of Randy Johnson from the D-Backs was heralded by the New York media and fans, as the Big Unit seemed to be the missing piece of a rotation that was in need of frontline help, but no one seemed to be watching the offense. Carlos Beltran though seemed to be totally overlooked by the Tampa brain trust. The slights towards Beltran came out quickly from the media, whether it was the worry that he couldn’t handle the glare of the New York media or that the Boss didn’t think he was the right fit for the team, the Yankees made it apparent that Beltran was not on their radar. Fast Forward to the start of the season and the Yankees seem to be sweating like Lindsay Lohan without her Columbian marching powder. The once reliable NY offense began to crumble as Bernie Williams’s arm turned into salt water taffy, Jason Giambi continued to look for where the real Giambi is, and Jeter and Sheffield continued to get older. Meanwhile the Boss brought in Tony Womack.


That’s right Tony Womack, a guy not known for his longevity or hitting prowess. Womack was brought in to take over the 2nd Base Job, but now with Bernie failing, Womack has been shuttled into the Outfield shifting Matsui to Center, all while in the next borough Carlos Beltran patrols Center for the Mets becoming the face of the franchise, and adapting easily to the Metropolitan Fan Base.

And where is the Big Unit? He’s at home washing his tights. Recently placed on the DL for tightness in his groin (never a good place for tightness) the Unit has helped to torpedo the start of the 2005 season for the Yanks. With Baltimore surging, Boston still sitting on its World Series laurels, and the rest of the AL East still close the Yankees aren’t out of the race yet, but one has to wonder if guys like Derek Jeter and the crumbling Mo Rivera have enough to carry this nearly extinct Yankee team on their arthritic backs.

If only the Yankees could field a shuffleboard team


Thanks Tiger…

A few years back when El Tigre was on the top of his game, something dawned on me. The PGA was rigged. See this was during the PGA Championship and Tiger was just forced into a five-hole playoff. Now this was unusual because The Man was dominating. He was MJ. He was fear personified in a power swing and he’d eat up anything and everything in his way. The Man went on to win the playoff in dramatic fashion. I mean, how unreal a plot line, the PGA was masterful.

Golf has been part of my life for many years. But golf has been part of EVERYONES life only for a few years. See, back in the day, when I was a tiny little 9 year old dragging his clubs across a fairway, I was looked at differently. Golf was not fun. Golf was not exciting. Golf was for fat asses in plaid pants.

Then came Happy and Happy’s swing. Suddenly golf was something different. It could openly mock itself, it could be funny. There was some enjoyment in it besides pars and birds. People (of all ages) flocked to courses to try the Happy swing. Y’all know the swing. The three steps and WHAM! It was great fun. But then came The Man.

People flocked to the courses to emulate his swing. And all of sudden, the young golfers, the p.t. (pre tiger) golfers became something else. We now became the sport and this sinewy youngster was, dare I say, cool.

Now if I wanted to be cool I would have ridden a motorcycle or worn a tight Hanes shirt with a pack of cigs balled up in my sleeve. But being cool cause I was a golfer? Wowzers!

Things changed. People changed. More importantly golf changed. We had a superstar and he made us ALL want to walk in his shoes. That was something Fred Couples couldn’t do. That was something Nick Faldo couldn’t do. Red shirts started popping up on courses. Black shoes crunched through the fescue. Nike came to the table. And every Joe followed suit.

But see this was all the grand plan of the PGA. After all, they scripted this whole thing. They needed their MJ and they created him in that same Arctic Cave that Clarke turned Super. The PGA was not done, however. They knew all along that The Man needed to fall off. Know why? Everyone loves the comeback. So what’d they do? A knee surgery, a Swedish blond bombshell. Then they sprinkled in the idea that she’s a nanny. They gave Lefty some love. They rewarded Vijay. More importantly, they made Tiger question his own skills. Think Daniel-son in Karate Kid 2. The crane, his bread and butter, wouldn’t work in Okinawa. He had to adapt. Tiger started playing army golf off the tee (left, left, left, right, left) and he was knocked off his pedestal.

The PGA had everyone in his or her hands. Finally it was time for their Robert Downey Jr. moment. The comeback. And Tiger, we welcome you back. See Tiger, if it wasn’t for you, I’d be the uncool kid with the fat ass in the plaid pants.