Forget the curve ball. Give 'em the heater!

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Cinco De Mayo All Stars

In honor of Cinco de Mayo we, here, would like to present an All Star team befitting the day. So without further ado our 1st annual Cinco de Mayo All Stars.

C - Ivan "Pudge" Rodriguez
Pudge seriously has to be considered as one of the greatest catchers (both offensive and defensive) of all time. So what that he only calls fastballs with runners on just so he could throw out every potential base stealer. What bothers us is him kissing Ugueth Urbina.

1b - David "Big Papi" Ortiz
Shocked to not see Albert Pujols here? Ortiz earns his spot for not only incorporating the term Papi into Irish South Boston's vocabulary, but also for his 139 RBIs last season. Oh and his ability to shake the knees of any Yankee Pitcher.

2b - Alfonso Soriano
What Sori lacks in defense and in patience at the plate, he makes up for it by jogging to first base. Sori’s bat speed has drawn comparisons to Hammerin’ Hank and his plate coverage starts at the pitchers mound. And had Mariano Rivera closed out Game 7 against the DBacks, Sori would have taken home the World Series MVP trophy. Instead, he got traded and the baseball world discovered that he was 2 years older than they thought.

3b - Alex Rodriguez
When ARod retires he might own every single major offensive record. But when all’s said and done, will he be remembered for his stats or for this:

SS - Miguel Tejada
Tejada received the highest vote total this year. One of those voters was no doubt Peter Gammons who recently said that Tejada was the best overall player in the baseball. The hardest thing for Tejada to overcome is playing his career in Oakland and Baltimore. Most fans associate Derek Jeter with SS in the AL, but the real star is in B-More.

LF - Manny Ramirez
Manny has been one of the top hitters in the majors his entire career, but what makes him really special are those little Manny things that only he can get away with. Carrying a bottle of water in his back pocket in the field? Doing more with his hair than J-LO? Speaks to the media rarely and in weird cryptic verse? All par for the course with Man-Ram.

CF - Carlos Beltran
Carlos is 28 years old, makes 11 million a year, is the best player in New York City, and puts honey on his Hot Dogs. Jealous?

RF - Vladimir Guerrero
Besides being the reigning AL MVP, Vlad has hit 30+ HRs and knocked in over 100 RBIs every year but one (injured, only played 3/4s of the season) and managed to bat over .300 every season. Combine that with an AK47 strapped to his shoulder and he might be the most complete player in the game. From now on, everyone must refer to him as, The Daddy.

DH- Rafael Palmeiro
The sweetest swing in baseball isn't a tired cliché when said about Raffy. When he's not denying taking little red pills his endorsing little blue ones. Is there anything this 19 yr veteran can't do?

SP - Pedro Martinez
Call him a Diva, Call him Your Daddy, Call him whatever you want, but just know if he's on the mound you are always close to seeing greatness. Simply put Pedro is the best Latin pitcher of the past decade. 1999, the year most agree was his most dominate, he became almost untouchable going 23-4 with a 2.07 ERA. He has lost some of his velocity in the past years, but yet continues to mix in that circle changeup causing the headaches in the NL that he caused for years in the AL.

SP - Johan Santana
What Pedro was to the 90s, Johan is to the 00s. Starting out as a flame throwing setup man then moving into the starting role, Santana is the lefty power pitcher other teams (Yankees?) would love to have. His 265 Ks in 2004 was a wake up call to anyone for anyone outside of Minnesota that Johan was the real deal.

RP- Mariano Rivera
Say your prayers little one. don't forget, my son. to include everyone.tuck you in, warm within. keep you free from sin. till the sandman he comes.sleep with one eye open. gripping your pillow tightexit light. enter night. take my hand. off to never never land.

RP - Franciso Rodriquez
KRod makes $440K/year. Mo makes twice that per month (his salary projects to $875K/month). But KRod is as nasty as and maybe even nastier than the Sandman. See for yourself:
So nasty he made these fashionable:

Via Con Dios
-BL & JG


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