Forget the curve ball. Give 'em the heater!

Friday, September 30, 2005

Sports Hernia Jokes Rule


"Week 3 should be the week where you finally can understand teams and let's find out if we in fact understand anything at all."

What sage words those were, huh. Well, I guess we don't know nearly as much as we thought or maybe we do? After a car repossessing week of 3-11 for JG and 4-10 for BL, both of our records have dipped below .500. But no fear, Sports Fans, we're back with a vengeance. Three games seperate teams JG and BL and some big thangs could happen now.

As always HOME TEAMS are in CAPS and differing games are in BOLD and itallics.

__________________

BUCS -6.5 Detroit Lions
I believe this is my first Bucs pick of the year. Joey Harrington, divisional road game... I'll take the Caddy and Chuckie. -JG

Forget about the Cadillac this week, just focus on how the Bucs defense will eat Joey and his alligator armed WRs alive. I got the Bucs. -BL

TITANS +7.5 Indianapolis Colts
I can't figure out which Titans team we will see from week to week. The one who can't score or the one who can't stop other teams from scoring. Big spread for an outside away game but I like the Colts. -BL

The Colts haven't lived up to anything, but Pac-Man Jones is getting his first start at CB. Peyton's salivating. And that's really gross because he has no chin so that saliva is all of his jersey. Anyway, I'll take the Colts. -JG

SAINTS -1.5 Buffalo Bills
Well, I'll let you in on a little secret. Come a little closer. Ready? I heard David Robinson is going to suit up for the San Antonio Saints. Yup. I'll take the Saints. -JG

JP Losman or Aaron Brooks, like picking between a Kia and a unreliable Pontiac. Who wants either of these? I will go with the Bills for no other reason that Cornelius Griffin had one of the best nicknames ever, Biscuit. -BL

GIANTS -3.5 St. Louis Rams
Did anyone see the tight spiral LT threw on the Giants defense last week? If LT can do that then Bulger and Tory "Big Game" Holt should be in line for a big day. Give me (gulp) Martz and the Rams. -BL

Eli didn't seem fazed by the rabid San Diego fans. And let me tell you, they were rabid. I haven't seen anyone in San Diego get that mad since Brad was arrested and spent the night in prison without his shoes. Anyway, Rams getting points? Sounds weird. I'll take them. St Lou. -JG

SKINS -1.5 Seattle Seahawks
Can you say Clinton Portis TD? How bout 2? And Matt Hassel-blech against the vaunted Greggster's D. I like the Skins. -JG

Not only am I taking the Skins, but I will bet that Hasslebeck's concussion will be so bad he will think he is Steve Young. Skins baby. -BL

PATS -5.5 San Diego Chargers
New England at home. What else can I say? -JG

Wow was LT impressive in the Bolts win over the Giants. The Patriots sadly won't be as accomadating. Cliche Alert! No one is better than Belicheck at taking away your big weapons. Pats all the way. -BL

JAGS -4.5 Denver Broncos
Well I am officially on the Jags bandwagon, and this is a big statement game for the people of Duval County. Look for Big John Henderson and Uncle Jimmy Smith to use and abuse the hurting Broncos. -BL

I think it's just me, but I really don't give the Jags any credit whatsoever. For some reason, I just don't. With that said and the way the Broncos looked on Monday. I'll take the Snake. Go America and Go Broncos. -JG

BENGALS -9.5 Houston Texans
Who is going to stop Chad Johnson this year? Not even a rape trial in Eagle, Colorado could stop Chad from becoming the best WR in the AFC. Bengals 4 Life. -BL

The Carson express welcomes Houston and a TON of expectations and a bunch of points. I'll take the points cause the Texans can't be this bad, can they? -JG

RAVENS -7.5 New York Jets
Brooks Bollinger meet Ray and Ed and Terrell. But wait, is this the same Ravens that are 0-2 with a Jamal Lewis running for 50 yards in 2 games? J!E!T!S D will keep them around long enough. I'll take the points. -JG

This will be the second time Ray Lewis is witness to a homicide. Bring me the head of Brooks Bollinger. Ravens. -BL

CHIEFS -2.5 Philadelphia Eagles
Donovan has that bruise on his sternum, and what is known as a sports hernia. Lovely huh? Arrowhead is a tough place to win and the Chiefs need this game more than the Eagles. I got the crying Chiefs. -BL

McNabb has a sports hernia. I guess it really is hard to carry the Eagles AND TO's ego. ZING! Anyway, KC is as tough a home field advantage as you can find. KC calls TO over and gives it to him. -JG

FALCONS -5.5 Minnesota Vikings
I have that burning, yearning, churning feeling inside me! Whoa-oh, Mexico! Falcons. -JG

Atlanta plays well at home, and the Vikings still don't scare anyone with their defense. Look for Vick to do his typical run for 90 and pass for 190. Falcons baby. -BL

RAIDERS -3.5 Dallas Cowboys
Randy Moss and Joey Porter at WR and the Raiders still can't score over 14 points a game. Norv Turner will turn it around this week, otherwise its Just Resign Baby time in Oak-town. Give me the Silver and Black. -BL

Ready to get off the schnide, Oakland? Now's the time. Oaktown wins, Janikowski actually kicks a few FGs, Randy catches some passes. Has there ever been a matchup between two slower QBs, Bledsoe vs. Collins? Whatev, Black Hole! -JG

CARDS -2.5 San Francisco 49ers
Talk about a great Sunday Night Game! WOW! I can't wait for this one! YES! PUMPED! Wait, who's playing? Nothing says football like Josh McCown, I'm all over the Cards. -JG

It's a game for the ages, fathers wake up your sons and let them see history being made. It's time to flip a coin, and wouldn't you know it I got SF. -BL

PANTHERS -7.5 Green Bay Packers
A Monday Night must win for Favre. Yeah why not. If anything, I'll take the points. -JG

Green Bay is the Tara Reid of the NFL. Such promise, such a future, but in reality just a drunk whore with really great implants (Brett Favre for this pick). I hate Tara Reid and I hate the Pack this week. Foxy's Panthers. -BL

__________________

Season Standings:

JG 20-26
BL 17-29

4 Comments:

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