No Islamic Divers

Team USA Diver Chelsea Davis shows all of America why its never a good idea to pray towards Mecca in the middle of a dive.

Gotta love that degree of difficulty, but the picture really doesnt do this justice. Check out the video for the rest of the story.

- BL

Jeff Goldblum

Add a little pep to your local bathroom stall with a little Jeff Goldblum flare. If you want to see it in person, check the third stall on the 9th floor. You know the deal.

-JG

LO down dirty shame

Yes I know what y'all are thinking, it's Wednesday and NOTHING about the one hour Laguna premiere. Well, there isn't much that can be said outside the fact that Kristin screams a ton. If I had a house party and she was there, and I was upstairs and she was downstairs and she was screaming like she does, I would go nuts. As in, Kristin, shut the flip UP or get out of here! Anyway, it's a tough pill to swallow when the star of the show gets castrated and walks around for an hour looking like a biotch, but I guess it makes for great TV. Stee-ven's tragic downfall is up there with Michael Corleone and maybe even Thornton Melon's creepily short son, Jason, in Back To School.

Anyway, here's to another season, but more importantly, here's a link to a personal photo gallery of the REAL STAR of the Show, Lo! Without her...well, I don't want to think about that. I'm freaked out enough by Frankie Muniz droppin' game.

-JG

Ron Mexico Returns

Got Valtrix?

-JG

Why its called a No Trade Clause

So it is safe to say that the Padres are pretty sick of Phil Nevin at this point as he invoked his no trade clause yesterday putting the kibosh on a trade that would have sent him to the Orioles in exchange for struggling Syndey Ponson.

Now look there are only a handful of players in the league who actually deserve the ironclad no trade clauses that were handed out like penny candy during the late 90s. Sadly Phil Nevin was never one of them, but in a society where we expect people to honor the deals they have, the Padres just have to sadly sit there and take it.

Nevin worked for the no trade to insure he could stay near his hometown area of southern California, and not uproot his family against his wishes. The Padres are in the thick of the playoff race, and while changing teams to us seems like just a flick of the wrist and a new uniform, Nevin was being asked to change his entire life. What is the point of a no trade clause if you don't use it to control your life?

Nevin will definitely lose ABs the rest of the season as Manager Bruce Bochy tries to find a better platoon at 1st, but what he won't lose is his peace of mind or family security.

Anyone who is being critical of Nevin needs to first blame the team for giving him that clause. Nevin will no doubt be included in trade rumors the rest of his career as teams in smaller parks than Petco, would love to get a masher like Nevin at 1st. Let's just not be surprised when he doesn't go anywhere.

- BL

RICKY?!!?!!

Boyz'N The Hood, has probably, affected me more than maybe any other film I have ever seen. I learned about "hittin' skinz" and "fo-ties" and Crenshaw Blvd and many many intregal things that have come in handy throughout my life. But the scene when Ricky gets gunned down ranks super high on the list of moments that will stay with me forever. And not the good moments, not the Leyritz homer off Wohlers. I'm talking about THE bad list, the Luis Gonzalez hit against Mo. The TJ Duckett catch in the back of the endzone to knock the Wolverines out (mind you, that play never should have happened). Stupid Dusty Mangum kicking it through the uprights on a night when Vince Young shredded the Wolverines. The list can go on and on, and notice how I am clearly side-stepping games 4, 5, and 6 of the '04 ALCS. (Game 7 never happened in my eyes, as I was out of the country).

But with all these crap-tastic moments, the one thing that constantly shudders my spine, is seeing Ricky head down walking towards the street, scratching off lotto tickets. And then the slow mo and Cuba screaming, "RICKY?!?!?!" I can almost hear Ricky's grunts as he turns to run. And then it happens. The dude that eerily resembles Chris Tucker pulls out the sawed off and puts one in Ricky's leg and then his chest. Oh man, it's even getting me now.

Now, I bring this all up, seemingly, out of nowhere not because I want to relive this moment or maybe even hash out some terrible inner demons, but rather to harp on how terribly sad I am for Morris Chestnut. For me, to see that his filmography includes Anacondas and Like Mike absolutely crushes me. I was sure he would become so much more.

His choice turns in these flicks bothers me as much as seeing Brenda Walsh's ex-fiance, Stuart Carson (a.k.a David Gail) doing Dodge Ram commercials.

What can I say, I have problems. But you know what, Ricky passed his SATs and he could have gone to USC. How can you sleep at night knowing that?

-JG

Ring and Run?

Isiah Thomas and James Dolan, seen here, lighting a paper bag filled with Patrick Ewing's poo on fire and placing it on Larry Brown's Hamptons porch.

-JG

Is this a Sports Blog?

Well we can answer that with an affirmative YES, Taylorbunts was started as a sports listening post, and we return to that with today's post as we examine just what is inside of Derek Lowe's iPod.

It is the seminal question for us in the Sports World, just what could a man such as DLowe listen to?

Well the answer is a resounding snooze-athon as Lowe only has George Strait, Toby Keith, and Alan Jackson listed as his hits. Before I read this I assumed those guys were all the same people.

No Metallica, no Guns n Roses, No AC/DC, nothing above the level of Hee-Haw. This just goes to reinforce the theory that baseball is now played by latin america and people from the square states.

- BL

One More For The Road

Enjoy the lovely weather and have a great weekend, but before you go, check this out.

One Final Prank (audio would help)

-JG

I HAVE A FEVER

AND THE ONLY PRESCRIPTION IS... (need audio)


-JG

My HUGE 'Ghost' Problem

We've all seen the movie. We've all recited lines ("It's Autumn Sunrise") or maybe even re-enacted scenes from this movie. Heck, we might have even cried during this very touching flick. There is absolutely no sarcasm here. Ghost is a great movie that has a place in each of its viewers hearts. But there is one part of the movie the baffled me then and still baffles me now.

If you haven't seen it. Stop reading and watch RUBBER JOHNNY.

So here's my beef. At the end of the movie, right before the final showdown with the sleazy guy. Whoopi allows Swayze to "enter" her body (sounds classy) so he can interact with Demi for maybe one last time. So he goes into Oda Mae Brown and we (the viewers) no longer see Whoopi, we see Swayze. And then the Dirty Dancer and Demi get it on. Beautiful moment. Emotions rise and frankly, it's absolutely special.

But here's the thing, does nobody realize that even though his spirit is inside of Whoopi, she's still Whoopi? So basically Whoopi and Demi go at it (in very sexual ways). Where is all the lesbian backlash or even the "dude, Demi and Whoopi just kissed" talk. Do people just leave all reality at the door? Or do people realize this and I'm just on the outside?

To recap: Patrick Swayze's spirit is in Whoopi, but Whoopi is still Whoopi and her and Demi do some dirty dirty things. If people are cool with that, then fine by me. I don't want to stir the pot or anything like that. I just really want to know if that bothers anyone else.

-JG

Vladdy Daddy...

With the Unit dealing and the Giambi rockets, the Yanks were in good shape.

Then in Chicago, third baseman Joe Crede drops a foul pop from Manny. Manny gets a second chance and sends one out of the park. BoSox win. Schilling gets a vultured win.

Back to Los Angeles of Anaheim where Flash Gordon takes the mound. Bases juiced, one out, and the Vlad Daddy at the plate.

Game Over. Bad Guys win.

Let's just say the bad taste in my mouth wasn't from the shots of Captain Morgan.

-JG

Enter the World of...

RUBBER JOHNNY (need audio)

There is creepy, as in blonde chick falling through floating bubbles creepy, and then there is creeeeeeeepy. Legend has it that Rubber Johnny is a mutant child living in a basement with his frightened doggie. I just think that Rubber Johnny is, like, the scariest thing of all time.

The story behind Rubber Johnny is examined here. But be careful and enter at your own risk. Be sure to watch it all. I just shivered thinking about him. I would have posted some pictures, but frankly, those cut right through me.

-JG

Welcome to V.U

Of course we all wish we could go back to college. But who (or I should say, what male) wouldn't, at the very least, send the $40 fee and write the obligatory "why I'm different" essay for this school.

For serious, they are giving away scholarships for virgin girls. What a brilliant idea, you'd have to think they could charge way more for male students to go there. Like a ton more then they do for in state Ugandans, or is it Ugandanese?

Anyway, I heard a rumor that you need to be in the 100th percentile of your tests to get in. And by tests, I mean blood tests.

Do you think they offer co-ed rooms or suites?

-JG

"I learned something today, dogs... don't lay eggs."

-JG

I dont know what to say...

Need something to hold your attention for, like, a long time...

Well, follow this blonde in a bikini as she drops onto giant floating balls... (let's call her Melinda)

You can control how she moves by clicking on her...

I mean, what great fun these days...

-JG

Mighty Ducks Redux: Final Chapter

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

...We know that "Charlie" was the hero of the first movie. While he was not the best player ("Adam" got hurt during the championship game and was carted off the ice), he scored the winning goal on a penalty shot. One would think this event would instill in him boundless confidence. He’d practice more and certainly become an even better player. This seems to be the case, as he’s good enough to play in the Junior Olympics. But when he volunteers to sit the championship game out, this goes flying in the face of everything that we were led to believe had occurred between the two films. Clearly, he’s not as confident as we thought. If you ask me, a winner wants to be on the ice when it’s crunch time. "Charlie" is not a winner here. He chooses to sit. Besides, if anyone shouldn’t have played, it should have been "knuckle puck" himself, Keenan Thompson. After all, he was the newest player.

This leads us to the third film, when somehow, "Charlie" is the team leader, yet still not the best player. "Adam" remains the best player and is rewarded with the honor of being the only Duck to advance to the varsity team. It now appears though, that "Charlie" is a much better player. He no longer cares about coaching, just scoring (goals and chicks). How are we supposed to believe he’s improved so much? He was never a great player in the first movie. He was simply lucky that "Adam" got hurt, otherwise "Adam" would’ve taken the penalty shot. Heck, if "Adam" didn’t get hurt, the game would’ve never even been that close. In the second movie, "Charlie" volunteers not to play, like the true pansy that he is. Yet now, he’s somehow a scoring machine? Come on. It’s laughable.

So, there’s the problem of The Mighty Ducks movies. One of the central characters’ "skill arc," if you will, makes absolutely no sense. There’s implied growth in skill, a receding of said skill, and then it reappears again. This makes it hard to root for "Charlie Conway." He learned nothing from getting lucky enough to score the winning goal, tucks tail and runs when it’s crunch time, and then he suddenly becomes a winner. All without a "Charlie" practicing and getting better montage sequence. I hope the writer who came up with the "Charlie" subplots was fired. Then again, all is forgiven because "Charlie" popped "Joey Potter’s" cherry in Dawson’s Creek.

-Backwords K
Backwords K is a contributor to the wonderful world of Taylor Bunts

Topless My-Skin-A

What a year for the lovely Anastasia Myskina. First she stuns the tennis world and captures the French Open championship AND THEN she gets stunned herself when she finds topless photogs of her have been published.

I mean, how many times has that happened. You take some risque pictures, sign a release and then remember that you don't speak the language the release was written in. Hey, I guess it happens, but it seems like the joke's on Myskina as she cannot stop the photographer from distributing the topless pics.

Just imagine the scene, "So Miss Myskina sign here. (trying to hide laughter) I guarantee these pictures will be beautiful and tasteful. (high fiving associate) And believe me, no one will ever see them! (bent over in laughter)"

Sure she's suing GQ for $8 mill for the pics and probably some emotional damage, but you can't possibly get better pub than this. With the US Open around the corner and Maria Shara-HOT stealing the show, I think this was a very wise business move for her.

Here's to hoping that Martina Navratilova NEVER EVER (eva, eva) decides to pull a stunt like this.

-JG

Beaned out of my Mind

In the ever growing field of sports enhancers there is a new product trying to become a staple in trainers offices. Its Sport Beans, the new Jelly Bean supplement by the people who brought you A&W Root Beer and Buttered Popcorn flavored Jelly Beans, Jelly Belly inc.

If you close your eyes you can almost hear the hip-hop soundtrack for their ad bonanza.

"Great game of pickup basketball guys, wanna grab a drink?"

"Sure we got soda, water, milk, the purple stuff, sunny d, and sports beans."

"YEAH SPORTS BEANS!!!!"

- BL

Pulling Weed

Another reason to go to public school as a Brooklyn Principal finds a marijuana plant sitting in a flower box on school grounds.

The Daily News has all the specifics, including this choice quote from a local student on what she would have done upon finding a planted pot plant.

"I would have taken it," she said. "Everyone smokes nowadays."

First Pot invades our college campuses, now high schools arent safe, are elementary schools far behind?? Where will this green menace stop. Pot is the new Killer Bees.

- BL

45 DAYS TO GO...

The NCAA football season can't start fast enough for this guy!

-JG

Book Report :) The Ticket Out

The Ticket Out: Darryl Strawberry and the Boys of Crenshaw

Dar-ryl! Dar-ryl! Dar-ryl! See, it would make sense to feel bad for Darryl, but we already know his story and shaking our heads at his behavior is pretty much an annual thing. But it’s a whole other thing to feel bad for an entire team in which Darryl wasn’t even the best guy on the team (just the one who could make your jaw drop watching him). Darryl was lazy and not that committed, but the rest of the Crenshaw Boys were. If not for a crucial error in a championship game the Boys would be considered (not just arguably considered) the greatest high school baseball team EVER. This tale is tragic in every way that it is great, as only a few of these guys made it out of Crenshaw. Poor decisions, bad attitudes, crack rock, petty crime and tons of money destroyed what could have been. The Ticket Out gets a few extra points for John Elway and Jay Shroeder sightings.

On a scale of One to Five Baseballs: FOUR BASEBALLS

-JG

Mighty Ducks Redux: Chapter 2

Chapter 1

...Like I said, it’s the best hockey movie trilogy ever. But there is one flaw that upon intense scrutiny, runs constant throughout the three films: Joshua Jackson, a-k-a "Charlie Conway," a-k-a "Pacey Witter" from Dawson’s Creek. Second to "Gordon" in the first two movies, "Charlie" is probably the most important character, and he is definitely the main character in the third film.

The problem truly presents itself in the second movie. You see, in any film, there has to be conflict. In the second film’s case, much of the conflict rises from "Gordon’s" selling out and neglecting to take care of his players. He loses sight of what’s truly important and only cares about the glamour of the job. With this new myopic vision, "Gordon" doesn’t even realize that arguably the team’s best player, "Adam Banks," has injured himself. Finally, when confronted about his behavior, "Gordon" notices the injury, and being the good coach that he is, forces "Adam" to rest. By the end of the movie, however, "Adam" can play, but because the team has added yet another player (Keenan Thompson of Nickelodeon and now SNL fame), there is no room for him. This is where the trouble begins because "Charlie" volunteers to sit and be an assistant coach.

Yes, you heard me, "Charlie," who was the hero of the first film, scoring the game winning goal on a penalty shot, decides he’s not as good as "Adam" and bites the bullet for the team so they can have their best player in the championship game. This one noble choice casts doubt on what happened before in the first movie and after in the third...

-Backwords K
Backwords K is a contributor to the wonderful world of Taylor Bunts

The Kid in the Bronx?

The short right field porch.

The glaring defensive hole in center.

The sweet swinging lefty, marching to the plate.

Bob Sheppard's voice echoing throughout the stadium, reverberating off the facade.

Ken Griffey, Jr. has just told the Cinci Reds that he is not opposed to a trade as long as it's to a contender. See, the Kid wants a ring to go along with the "$12.5 million a year through 2008, plus $6.5 million each year in deferred money. Combine that with the $6.5 million a year through 2025, with 4 percent interest" and there seems to be one team that fits his bill.

I'm not gonna lie, I've got goose bumps just thinking about another player on the down side of his career with a HUGE contract patrolling the same grass as the Mick and the Clipper.

I think it makes perfect sense for the Yanks.

Heck, I'd even consider a Griffey jersey...

-JG

Picking on a Scab

In what can only be described as news here on Tbunts, Kevin Millar world series hero and activities director of the red sox love boat, might be nothing more than a low down dirty scab. Working off information found in the Baseball Almanac, it seems that Millar was one of those replacement spring training players, and as such is denied membership in the MLB Players Association. A good answer to my question of why the Red Sox have a black guy at 1st base in MVP 2005 (available now at local retail stores).

Money Quote on the Scabs -

"Each of the players below, according to the Players Association, are not allowed union membership. They each are given representation during arbitration or other matters, they all receive pension benefits, but they are not part of the actual union — which essentially means they do not receive any licensing monies and they cannot vote on union matters."

Ouch, and Millar isnt the only bold name on the page. Joining him are the yanks fans fav Shane Spencer, the pride of Frammingham Lou Merloni, Brandon Donnelly, Cory Lidle, and Damian Miller.

Now I have never been a part of a Union or Association, but I was in a fraternity in college so I know something about group think. So instead of yelling insults like Scab or Line Breaker or Pussy, let's just remember these guys are only human, and they will never get the chance to be in a video game. Tough pill to Swallow

Tough.

- BL

Mighty Ducks Redux: Chapter 1

In terms of hockey movie trilogies, The Mighty Ducks very well might be the best. For the uninitiated, the original Might Ducks movie (which inspired the name of the NHL team) followed the formula established in the 1976 film The Bad News Bears.

The Walter Matthau, or "Buttermaker" role, in The Mighty Ducks falls to Emilio Estevez (Charlie Sheen’s brother and Martin’s son). He plays "Gordon Bombay," who as a young boy was a hockey stud, but due to a "winning is the only thing that matters" kind of coach, coupled with the death of his father who introduced him to the frozen pond, he turns his back on the sport and pursues a career in law. Unfortunately, the "winning" attitude that his coach taught him rears its ugly face and he becomes too aggressive. Thinking he’s invincible, he drinks and drives and gets arrested. Sentenced to community service, he must coach a hockey team full of misfits (and now we’re full circle). "Gordon" eventually recaptures his love of the game and turns the team into a group of true winners, and defeats his hated former coach along the way.

The second film finds "Gordon," now embracing his childhood love of hockey, just one step away from a career in the NHL. But after an on ice injury, his sporting career is over. A lucrative contract convinces him to dust off his coaching suit and he rejoins his former players, this time to representing our country at the Junior Olympics. The team members remain the lovable scamps that they always were, and even add a few fresh faces to the roster, and naturally, they overcome their seemingly Goliath-like foe in the Norwegians, and capture the gold for America.

In the final film, "Gordon" plays a diminished role. He has gone back to practicing law, but encourages his former players to accept scholarships to the prestigious private high school that he attended. His former Mighty Ducks would in essence become the school’s junior varsity hockey team. Unfortunately, the rich kids on the varsity team don’t like them because they are poor trash and can’t afford the school on their parents’ paltry paychecks. And when the junior varsity Mighty Ducks can’t win on the ice, the rich parents don’t like them either and have the scholarships revoked. Enter "Gordon," who threatens a lawsuit if they renege on the scholarships. Eventually, the grudge between the varsity team and the junior varsity Ducks is settled on the ice and of course, the Ducks win...

-Backwords K
Backwords K is a contributor to the wonderful world of Taylor Bunts.

Sweet Lou

Is Lou's clock on mortal peril?

-JG

What can Brown do for you?

Larry Brown is dunzo in the D!

It seems the balky bladder combined with Larry's notorious wandering eye has finally caught up with him.

Word is that the D is talking buyout and you know what that means? Field day for the Knicks and their faithful.

For serious, did you know Brown grew up in Long Beach on the g'island? Did you know his agent is also based on the g'island? Well, now you do.

What can Brown do for the Knicks or should I say, what can the Knicks do to get Brown?

Stay tuned...

-JG

El Tigre!!!

While watching the British Open over the weekend, one of the commentators claimed that Tiger was like a 7'3" basketball player that could do everything on the court. I just thought that was plain old dumb. Tiger is Tiger. The "true" heir to the Jordan name.

For those that hate golf or even those that are just haters, you have to admit that watching Tiger at his best is special and important and everything that is right. You may not like him, but damn, you HAVE to respect him. And even if you, neither, like nor respect him, just admit that you like his lady.

For series, it's good to be the king!

-JG

The week's almost done...

Enjoy the weekend... (need volume)

-JG

The Giambino Resurgence

"Mark McGwire, who played with Giambi in Oakland and has remained his close friend, gave the Yankee first baseman a few tips over the past few weeks that Giambi says were critical to his power resurgence." - NY Daily News

Tips, huh? Do those tips come with a needle, a plunger and a belt to wrap around your arm?

-JG

We have to sign Al Leiter?!

Wang... Shoulder... Dr. James Andrews... Lefty Al was cut... Tim Redding...

Oh my god, I've gone cross eyed!

-JG

Work in Progress

Closers don't throw 85 mph splitters.

- BL

WANG!!! NO!!!!

Not like this WANG, not like this! BREAKING NEWS!!! Wang on the 15 day DL! The rumor is that he may be done for the season. And I'm not gonna lie, when I heard this, I would have rather been kicked in the junk.

There are players that mean something and WANG means everything. Not only has all of Taiwan petitioned the Yanks to keep him on the roster, but fantasy teams have penciled him in for the remainder of the season.

Outside of Mo and Unit, this Wang injury may be the most catastrophic for the Yanks. Good news, folks, as help is on the way. The Yanks purchased the contract of Tim Redding. I think Papi may eat him tomorrow night. For serious! I think Redding should hire body guards.

I'm absolutely crushed by this Wang injury. (shaking my head, eyes down)

-JG

Put Up Your Dukes

I guess I'd consider myself a Dukes of Hazzard purist mainly because I watched every minute of every episode. But ask me what it's all about and I have no answer, I just remember the car flying through the air.

But it seems the remake has some of the original cast up in arms.

Who cares if the movie is "too sexed up," I just think it's hilarious that "Cooter" is telling us to stay away.

"The thing is filthy and vile and diseased," exclaimed an aggravated Cooter.

-JG

Kobe's Makeover

Don't look now, but Kobe Bryant is back in the pages of your favorite magazines. Some of us might have forgotten exactly what Kobe looks like in pictures. Since the start of his trial in Colorado Kobe's promotional presence has been zero, as companies like Nike and Sprite pretended not to know who Kobe was. Kobe had signed a lucrative contract with Nike before the shit had really hit the fan, and now with his aquittal and the memories of Bryant visiting the Eagle Court a fading memory, Nike has decided to try to get its moneys worth from Kobe.

Starting today the first major promotion featuring Bryant since the trial has begun to appear in various magazines. The ad campaign has Bryants face juxtaposed with his "apparent faults". These faults are shown with Kobe's offseason workout regiment. For instance the phrase Missed the Playoffs coincides with the amount of power lifts Kobe does.

Kobe as a marketable quantity couldnt go any lower right now. He is the most hated member of the team everyone loves to hate. He rode Shaq out of town, ran Phil away from Jennie Buss, and hates puppies. The man needs a makeover.

Good Luck to Kobe though because if the NBA has taught us anything its that people can fall in love with a felon.

- BL

Anything on Tonight?

Its 7pm, do you know where your overrated superstars are?

- BL

I'm a Pac-MAN!!!

When the news broke that Pacman was arrested for assault and felony vandalism my first instinct was to find out what happened to the ghosts.

(Did you know the ghosts have names, Blinky, Pinky, Inkey, and Clyde?)

Anyway, Pac-Man Jones apparently was being chased through a club and finally took some pills and ate everything is sight. Even the berries and cherries!

Miss Pacman has not returned any phone calls.

-JG

BREAKING!!!!

Unlock the gates... Re-fuel the Zamboni... Perm the Mullets... Because the NHL is baaaaaaaaaack!!!!

Can't wait for the press conference and Gary Bettman:
"Everyone, today is a great day! Welcome back to all, let's lace up those skates and get back to work! (tapping microphone) Is this thing on? Anyone there? (crickets chirping in background)"

I, for one, am so excited for the upcoming NHL season, that I just took my Pat Lafontaine Islander jersey out of deep storage.

-JG

The Pussy Bronson

Dude Play Watchtower!!!

- BL

R Kelly's Doo-Doo Butter

A while back I realized that I had lost track with R Kelly. After the 14 year old and "Piss On You" video, I really felt a void.

Then something happened. I turned on VH1 and caught "Trapped in the Closet," chapter 1 and suddenly everything made sense. Seconds became flashes, minutes became moments, and before I knew it, I had a new joy in my life. There is comedy, there is high comedy and then there is this. (click "check it out right here")

I actually find the words WAY more powerful than the images. R Kelly proves that not only is he a master at braids, but he is a champion with words. The cliffhanger at the end will, certainly, make M Knight Shyamalan blush.

In fact, my entire world has been altered by this. Even my vernacular has changed.

"Now I'm goin' to the bathroom (bathroom, bathroom, bathroom)!"

Stay tuned for chapters 6 through 10.

-JG

CHARLIE MURPHY!!!!

Happy Birthday, Darkness!

Charlie may have delusions of grandeur, but the man looks good for 46.

And he better not catch you peeing standing up or he'll skin some bacon off your back!

-JG

HR Derby Chat

BLiebMail: Jon let's take a look at the list this year
BLiebMail: HOME RUN DERBY PARTICIPANT COUNTRY Bobby Abreu, PHI Venezuela Jason Bay, PIT Canada Hee-Seop Choi, LAD South Korea Andruw Jones, ATL Curacao Carlos Lee, MIL Panama David Ortiz, BOS Dominican Republic Ivan Rodriguez, DET Puerto Rico Mark Teixeira, TEX U.S.
Jondray 3000: let me put it like this
Jondray 3000: This is a HUGE year for Canada
BLiebMail: and Curacao
Jondray 3000: first Steve Nash
Jondray 3000: then the announcement of Real World Ottawa
BLiebMail: Huge
Jondray 3000: and then Jason Bay
Jondray 3000: The Canadian Bay Breeze is blowing out tonight
BLiebMail: Big Time pick jon
Jondray 3000: and the wind could get gusty
Jondray 3000: HOWEVER, I am not picking him to win it all
Jondray 3000: just yet
BLiebMail: I am going to have to disagree, Jon remember we are in Detroit tonight
Jondray 3000: So Ben, who will the hometown fans choose
BLiebMail: Well I have to thing that Hee-Sop Choi will bring them to their feet
BLiebMail: no seriously
BLiebMail: I was going to pick Big Papi
BLiebMail: but people who shall not be named called that move cliche
BLiebMail: Don't be surprised to see Bobby Abreu win it all tonight
BLiebMail: Shocked?
Jondray 3000: you know
Jondray 3000: not so much
Jondray 3000: Papi is probably the odds on favorite
Jondray 3000: except if you are a yanks fan, b/c you're probably rooting for a torn oblique
BLiebMail: Carlos Lee once again is non-existent in my mind
Jondray 3000: but i think Abreu is lurking close to Papi
Jondray 3000: Who?
Jondray 3000: I see some fireworks for TEx
BLiebMail: Ok so in sum, I like Abreu
Jondray 3000: and Pudge will definately hit the most triples
BLiebMail: OBVI
Jondray 3000: Druw Jones?
Jondray 3000: Druw Jones, you ask?
BLiebMail: I am just rooting for Mike Piazza as the color in the booth
Jondray 3000: well, he will have 3 of the sickest cathes in CFJ
Jondray 3000: and after he will claim that he wasn't aware of the rules and didnt know he couldn't rob others of HR
Jondray 3000: You know what will be great?
Jondray 3000: ARod in the booth for Papu
BLiebMail: Stu Scott interviewin Hee-Sop?
Jondray 3000: Papi
BLiebMail: I heard A-Rod's Therapist thought his playing in the Derby could set him back
Jondray 3000: It's true
Jondray 3000: apparently the stress of the "World" competition would be too much for him
Jondray 3000: I heard his doctor recommended blonde highlights for the occasion
BLiebMail: ah the Brett Boone look, and we all know how that story ends.
BLiebMail: Well good Breakdown, I feel satisfied
Jondray 3000: I hate to pull away from the derby talk and go into the all star game, but I fear Francona will over use Mariano
BLiebMail: I fear that as well
Jondray 3000: do you know what else i fear?
BLiebMail: I am more scared of Jeter running on the field and Nancy Kerriganin Tejada
Jondray 3000: Why?! Why?!
BLiebMail: Jeter is like the cool guy in the end of Encino Man who gets revealed as a complete jerk
Jondray 3000: Shoosh! - that guy?
BLiebMail: The One and Only
BLiebMail: Gosh you can crowbar Yankees into any discussion
Jondray 3000: I really thought Fraser's career would go in a different direction after that
BLiebMail: Well my Fraser jam is School Ties
Jondray 3000: did his nose get in the way?
BLiebMail: After all this you'll still be a dirty jew, yeah and you'll still be a prick
Jondray 3000: "I didn't lie to you! I lied to myself. I lied to my father!"
BLiebMail: The Agro French Teacher
BLiebMail: Memories
BLiebMail: Ok So to recap, its Bay and Abreu
BLiebMail: Mo shouldnt throw one pitch
Jondray 3000: I think Bay will impress
Jondray 3000: BUT
Jondray 3000: and there is a BUT
BLiebMail: and A-Rod is a baby
Jondray 3000: a very BIG ONE
Jondray 3000: Tex will be in the finals
BLiebMail: USA
Jondray 3000: after all
BLiebMail: Will he enter to Hulk Hogans Music?
Jondray 3000: Don't Mess with TEx
Jondray 3000: I am a real American
Jondray 3000: Fight For The Right of Every Man
Jondray 3000: Fight For the Right
BLiebMail: Gosh this is going to be great TV
BLiebMail: if only there was a slugger from Iran or North Korea
Jondray 3000: i will add one caveat to this whole night
BLiebMail: Please do
Jondray 3000: If this thing does indeed turn into a WWE moment
Jondray 3000: and Papi comes out with Miss Elizabeth and wearing an Andre The Giant, one shouldered, leotard
Jondray 3000: he WILL win
Jondray 3000: easily
BLiebMail: Papi is the only one who coulda tag teamed with Hogan at Summerslam
Jondray 3000: I heard The MIz and Giambi will be providing play by play with Mean Gene
Jondray 3000: so to recap
BLiebMail: Again
BLiebMail: I got Bobby A
Jondray 3000: impressive showings from Choi and Bay
Jondray 3000: Bobby A vs. TexJondray 3000: unless Papi is wearing tights
BLiebMail: Gosh i want Papi to point at Tex and shake his head side to side
BLiebMail: So Good Luck to the guys tonight and of course to anyone visitin Detroit
Jondray 3000: Tex would play the role of Hacksaw Jim
Jondray 3000: The D or what ESPN's Jason Whitlock calls the greatest sports city
BLiebMail: Pretty good chat for our first time
Jondray 3000: wasnt bad
BLiebMail: You give good chat Jon
Jondray 3000: you too ben

- JG & BL

No Wyatt Empathy

Ok, so we were pretty glib with our references to Wyatt Sexton recently

"ben and jon, ben and jon, you're glib,"

But I mean the guy was leaving us with too much fun info to not rake him over the coals. Well the news now coming out of FSU is that Sexton had contracted Lyme Disease and that it was one of the factors in his recent abnormal behavior.

Wow do I feel bad

In true FSU fashion though the Lyme Disease was given to Wyatt by an unnamed FSU booster nicknamed "Chief".

The only way this SEC offseason gets better is if Phil Fullmer comes down with a mean case of encephalitis.

http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/news/story?id=2104326

- BL