Forget the curve ball. Give 'em the heater!

Friday, October 07, 2005

The Dharma Orientation


After a really really rough week, Team JG rebounded with some authority and charged to a 9-5 week. Not quite .500 yet, but give me some time...JUST GIVE ME SOME TIME! Please Pacino, GIVE ME SOME TIME!

I mean all this guy does is work out and win bets! And you know what, if I want something, I'm gonna rip it from your tal-ons!

Ok enough with the Two For The Money stuff. On to the picks. As always HOME TEAM in CAPS and differing games (7 of them) are in BOLD and itallics.

_________________

DET -1.5 Ravens
The Dirty District (that's Detroit)!!!!! How bad is Jamal Lewis? Ben, can you tell me? Joey Harrington out shines Anthony Wright. -JG

The team that once started a guy named Stoney Case needs this win, and plus how easy is it to mock Joey's Lions. Joey Harrington is this generations Ken O'Brien, give me the Ravens. -BL

NYJ +3.5 Bucs
Herm Edwards put it best in regards to Vinny's age. He said something like, all the guys know Vinny from the Madden game. The first one. I'll take the points AND Vinny from Elmont. -JG

-Speaking of Ken O, the neverending story of the Jets QB continues this week, lucky for Derrick Brooks and the Bucs. Next week the Jets are thinking of starting Icebox from Little Giants. I got the Bucs. -BL

BILLS -2.5 Dolphins
Remember when this was the marquee matchup in the AFC East? Well Marino vs. Kelly has given way to Frerotte vs Losman. That's called devolution folks. I've owned a Frerotte jersey in the past so the Fish are the pick. -BL

The JP Losman experiment has lost a ton of steam, and I wouldn't be surprised if Kelly Holcomb becomes the next Frank Reich. The Bills and WILLIS!!!!! -JG

TEXANS -2.5 Titans
How bad are these teams? I dare you to name another Texan besides David Carr. Go on try, I got the Titans. -BL

Back in the early Madden football days, even all the way back in the Tecmo Bowl days the Houston Oilers were BY FAR my favorite team. I think there was a point in time when Haywood Jeffries was my absolute most favorite player of ALL TIME. I would throw a football in the air, dive on a bed and pretend to be Haywood Jeffries. Heck, I even liked Ernest Givens and Drew Hill and the other guy. That's really all I have for this one. I'll take the home team - TEXANS. -JG

BRAYLON'S BROWNS -2.5 Bears
This is the type of game where Jay Mariotti devotes a whole paragraph to making fun of the names Lovie and Romeo. You will get no such slop here from me. I got Da Bears. -BL

DaBears, DaBears, DaBears, DaBears, DaBears, Picture Farley in a grass skirt, eating a pork chop, drinking a pitcher of beer and sporting a stache. Now picture him dancing while singing DaBears, DaBears, DaBears, DaBears, DaBears, DaBears, DaBears, DaBears! -JG

ATL -3.5 Patriots
I think this is the first time all year that I've done this - I'm going against the injured, broken down, beat up two time defending champs. I'll take the Falcons, Vicks herpes, and everything that comes with it. -JG

Which Pats team will show up this sunday? Which Atl team will show up this sunday? Well Tom Brady has 5 layers of Visa Protection, so I got the Pats. -BL

PACKERS -2.5 Saints
I think I have picked the Packers each week of the sason, and been burned each time. I am not one to buck a trend though so let's go Pack. -BL

Quick side tangent: I just finished my first Madden season (franchise, Saints). I went 18-1 and blew out the Aaron Rodgers led Colts in the Superbowl (Kurt Warner was initially their starter but he was injured). So for the season my starting QB, top 2 WR, TE, all my 5 OL-men, AND my 2 safeties and 3 corners ALL made the Pro Bowl. Oh and I got the Pack at home. -JG

ST LOU -3.5 Seahawks
Every year the Seahawks and Rams have a race to see who can squander the most talent, and again its close. Shaun Alexander runs wild, while Steven Jackson continues to be wasted. Take the Hawks on the road. -BL

Seattle's starting WRs for this weekend will be Sid Jurevicious and Peter Warrick. Those guys better stretch them hammies cause its gonna be a track meet, Bulger style. St Lou at home for this guy. -JG

49ERS +14.5 Colts
Welcome to the show Alex Smith. Meet Mr. Dwight Freeney, only the badest player in the NFL. I think Peyton will be good for 30+ this weekend. -JG

Roger Craig, Jerry Rice, Joe Montana, and Kevin Barlow.....I got the Colts. -BL

BRONCOS -6.5 Skins
The 2005 Redskins are the 2001 Ravens. Don't see it? Its Brunell and Dilfer. Two crushing defenses. Catching all the breaks. Whatever happend to those Ravens??? I got the Skins. -BL

The Skins have given up 37 points this season. I think I'll take the points. Skins! -JG

CARDS +3.5 Panthers
Wow did Josh McCown look good last week. He's like the greatest QB of all time AND he leaked to the press that he's been learning from Uncle Rico's QB Videos. Too bad those videos don't include Julius Peppers. I'll take the Panthros. -JG

Dennis Green was supposed to bring an aura of respectability to the Cards. Instead he showed up with Kurt Warner. Shouldn't that constitute a breach of contract? I got the Panthers. -BL

COWBOYS +3.5 Eagles
Yes, ding dong the Myth is dead, but so are the Boys chances of winning this game. I see a big game for Westbrook. Eagles by a bunch. -BL

Since the Sports Hernia Myth has been blown to smitherines... I'll take the Eagles. Did anyone else hear that Keyshaun claims he is better than Michael Irvin? -JG

JAX -2.5 Bengals
Could this actually be the game of the week? Carson and his heisman vs that Jags front 7. I still don't like the Jags offense enough to pick them. Look for David Pollack to be all over Byron, I got the Bengals. -BL

Like I said last week, I have zero respect for Jax. I'll ride the Carson Palmer band waggon this week. Bengals. -JG

CHARGERS -2.5 Steelers
Seems like someone woke the Chargers or maybe it just took them two weeks to realize that LT needs the ball on every possession. That includes defense, special teams, bus rides, showers, saunas, wood shop, Jamba Juice, etc. HOWEVA (to be read like Stephen A), Pit has had 2 weeks to get ready and you know Sgt. Slaughter is prepared. I'll take the Steel Curtain. -JG

Seriously is there a bigger BSD (Big Swinging Dick to those out of the know) than Al Michaels. That tan, that hair, that voice, no one has loved themselves this much since Onan. Oh the game, I would say the Steelers, but I like the Bolts here at home. -BL

_________________

Season Standings:
JG 29-31
BL 22-38

-Taylor Bunts

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