Forget the curve ball. Give 'em the heater!

Friday, September 02, 2005

Do Blue Chip Athletes write Personal Statements?

Now I am not a stranger to the rigors and trials that follow popular athletes in todays society. In fact during my run with the 8th grade JV Soccer team, where I scored a goal in 4 straight games (including one with my left bitches)I got a taste of what its like having people kiss your ass 24/7. Having been given the nickname "Legs" Liebman, being showered by adulation, and drinking capri-sun with my groupies at lunch, I saw what the future could hold.

In fact for blue chip high school players the decision of where to go for college is on par with explaining how Jimmy Fallon has a career. What school you pick affects not only your playing career, but the rest of your life. OTL (Outside the Lines) on ESPN took on this issue as they followed a highly recruited QB named Jimm Clausen through his recruiting process. So to help out all the big time players who read TBunts here is a quick guide to picking your college of choice.

Looking to blow coke off a cuban's ass? University of Miami

Type of guy who buys NASCAR video games? University of Tennessee

Agoraphobic, want to stay indoors 6 months out of the year? University of Michigan

Irish Catholic? White? Polish last name? Notre Dame

Looking to get it on with one of the hotties on Laguna Beach? USC

Never knew your Grandfather? Penn State

Are you a Felon with a taste for blood who has 3 children with 2 different women? Florida State

Looking to spend 4 years in inland Florida? UF

Think Techno music and the Jersey shore are the perfect combo? Syracuse

Looking for a rabid fanbase with a prediliction for Cowboy Hats? (Tie) Texas, Oklahoma, Texas Tech, Oklahoma State, North Texas, Texas A&M

Pot Head? University of Vermont (Go Catamounts!)

Think that Michigan is too Urban? Wisconsin

I could go on like this forever, but when it comes down to it, the decison is between you and the hot groupies the college sends to your hotel room.

- BL


Blogger Bitchin' Beth said...

No one likes techno there...we liked coke...coked out guys...expensive bags...fake girls...faker boys...coke...and making fun of people..come on Ben...You LOVE it

10:20 AM

Anonymous B-Killer said...

I miss those Cuban asses...

10:24 AM


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