Forget the curve ball. Give 'em the heater!

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Karate Here...

The Karate Kid’s impact on your everyday American is clearly incalculable. We’ve learned so much from the films. First and foremost, we learned that the biggest and the strongest person is not always the best, and that with hard work, determination, and an Okinawan ally named “Mr. Miyagi,” anything is possible. These lessons are integral to growing up, but they are also easily drawn from the trilogy. Perhaps more important is something no one has bothered examining before. Just who of “Daniel LaRusso’s” enemies is the strongest? If “Johnny Lawrence,” "Chozen,” and “Mike Barnes” were to fight, who would win?

First, however, before we determine who the worthiest foe is, we must examine how “Daniel” overcomes each adversary. Like Genesis, we shall start in the beginning with the original Karate Kid.

The year is 1984 and a young “Daniel LaRusso” is uprooted by his mother from Trenton, New Jersey to Reseda, California. Unfortunately for “Daniel,” he falls for the rich, but not snobby “Ali” (played by Elisabeth Shue before she dropped some pounds and was uber-hot in Adventures in Babysitting), who happens to have recently broken up with the school karate bully, “Johnny Lawrence” (played by William Zabka, who was pretty much the bully in every ‘80s teen movie). Naturally, “Daniel” draws “Johnny’s” ire (he can’t let go of the relationship, and who can blame him, “Ali’s” pretty cute for a high school chick, especially in those knee high socks during the soccer tryout scene), and he must fight fire with fire and learn karate to defend himself against “Johnny” and his crony “Cobra Kai” buddies. Fortunately for “Daniel,” the handyman at his apartment complex is a man by the name of “Mr. Miyagi” and even though he’s short, bald, and a little fat, he can kick some ass. So, he offers to teach “Daniel” karate, and with a carefully placed crane kick to the face, “Daniel” triumphs over “Johnny” at the All Valley Under 18 Karate Championships and wins back his honor and respect, as exemplified when “Johnny” hands “Daniel” the ginormous trophy and says, “You’re alright, LaRusso...”

Parts 2 and 3 coming soon...

-Backwords K
Backwords K is a contributor to the wonderful world of Taylorbunts


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