Forget the curve ball. Give 'em the heater!

Thursday, March 23, 2006

New York's Real Subway

WARNING: The Following Post Contains Explicit East Coast Bias. Reader's Discretion is Advised.

When most people come for the New York experience they make sure to hit on all of the touchstones. Why there's Times Square, Central Park, Rockefeller Center, The Statue of Liberty, or even the World Trade Center Site (The best place to buy all of your tasteless New York souvenirs, look Ma I got a ski cap that say NYC on it right where the towers fell!!).

But see one can never really get all the benefits of living in New York in a short trip. Like for instance last week I got to watch a man rant about socialism on the uptown A train while he openly tried to fondle himself. Good Stuff.

The great thing now though about living in New York is the new Subway ads featuring both Joe Torre and Willie Randolph. Who cares exactly what they're selling (something like a lime chicken hybrid), its all about the flawless acting of both Torre and Randolph. They both make you believe that eating Subway while being worth around forty million is possible.

In the spirit of Joe and Willie and the classic Deli tradition of naming food after celebrities, we here at Taylor Bunts would like to offer our own take on Sports Sandwiches.

The Curt Schilling
A Tongue Sandwich on a French Baguette with red onions

The Tiger Woods
Sliced White and Dark Meat Turkey on Rye with Wasabe Mayo Marinated Swedish Meatballs.

The Stephon Marbury
2 Huge Pieces of Bread, 2 Pieces of Tomato, No Meat

The Barry Bonds
Enriched Pork, Fried in the Cream, with a Flaxseed Dipping Sauce

The Terrell Owens
A Foot served with a side of our famous Rosenhaus Smashed potatoes.

The Manny "Being Manny" Ramirez
Manny wants Salami, no make that Roast Beef, no he wants Turkey, wait he's changed his mind again, he wants Salami.

The Peyton Manning
Sour Grapes and assorted jagged Fish Bones on 8 grain wheat.

The Jim Nantz
Anything you want, but will be served with stale ingredients.

The Ricky Williams
Stoned Wheat Crackers, Funions and a Jamba Juice with a Vita Boost

So next time your in New York avoid going to Macy's and make a stop off at everyone favorite lunch stop, Subway.

- BL


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