Forget the curve ball. Give 'em the heater!

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Triple AXXXle



Sports Illustrated
Febuary 23, 2016

Sasha Cohen, disgraced American Figure Skater is back in the news, and she took some time out of her busy press schedule to sit down with our own Taylor Bunts.

Taylor Bunts: Sasha, first of all thanks for your time, If I can I would like for you to go back with me 10 years to Turin and your long program.

Sasha Cohen: Let's just say if I could do it all over again I would not have thrown my skate into the crowd.

TB: People said you were drunk that night?

SC: People can say what they want, I know who I am (lights cigarette).

TB: You yourself have made some news with your recent turn as an actress.

SC: The movie is called Triple Axxxle Orgy, it's with Vivid pictures and I could not be more happy about how it turned out. I think people are going to see a new side of Sasha.


TB: And you star with your husband in this film correct?

SC: Yes, Ronnie was kind enough to make a cameo during the hot wax scene.

TB: Any worry about how this could effect your twin boys?

SC: Well Ronnie and I have talked it all out with the Ron Artest Jr, and Ron Artest III. They know Momma knows best.

TB: You also recently appeared in a Iraqi TV Reality Show called Battle of the American Devils, how was that?

SC: Until you know the feeling of pushing Bruce Jenner's face into a banana cream pie you haven't lived.

TB: Sasha do you ever regret your Olympic Experience?

SC: You know something, (Hits a Meth Pipe) My life isn't all fun and games, but I wouldn't change it for the world.

TB: The World?

SC: Or like a thousand bucks.

Sasha Cohen can be seen this month on Cinemax Late Night, and will be making an appearance to promote her new career at the Paramus Mall.

- BL

UPDATE - The Sasha Fans voice their feelings, and we strike back. We here at Taylor Bunts will not be intimidated by any fan base, unless we're talking about G-Unit. Lloyd Banks is my dog.

14 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Rude and absoutely unnecessary. Cohen messed up and didn't win gold, but your insinuations are disgraceful.

3:09 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What a damned idiot. You think this is the least bit funny? Sophomoric, small-minded, moronic, yes, but utterly lacking in humor.

What a waste of bandwidth.

4:32 PM

 
Anonymous Juvenal said...

Wow. This is completely not funny. Not because it's mean and spiteful, but because it's not the least bit funny.

4:43 PM

 
Blogger Jon and Ben said...

Disgraceful...Check
Sophmoric...Check
Spiteful...Check

One more trip to the Thesaurus and we get a set of Steak Knives!!

5:04 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sheesh, what a bunch of whiners. It's actually pretty amusing.

5:46 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh lighten up, nothing wrong with poking a bit of fun at those in the spotlight.

6:05 PM

 
Blogger mcSey said...

That's just rude (and funny).
That's just sophomoric (and funny).
That's just juvenile (and funny).

Where do I audition for Triple Axxxle?

8:22 PM

 
Anonymous Doc P said...

very funny. to paraphrase superintendant chalmers, "The rod up these people's butts must have rods up their butts."

1:01 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

um.... am I supposed to be laughing?
Because I am.
At you.
Did you make that up?
Because if you did, you have some creativity.

And if you have more time on your hands than you know to do with, I suggest you do some volunteer work or something worthwhile. Seriously.

5:43 AM

 
Anonymous garethkeenan said...

I find it difficult to believe I stand alone as thinking this is hilarious. Come on people. Let America laugh.

3:34 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Would people love Sasha Cohen so much if she weren't pretty?

8:56 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You guys are ridiculous. This is absolutely appalling. I'd love to see someone like you even attempt anything that she has. Yes, Sasha is particularly attractive - however she is also a great skater. She has done nothing but progressed since the last Olympics and will continue to rise in her skills and ability. You guys need to grow up.

11:30 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It was only a joke. It's not something you need to get upset about or take seriously.

2:46 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

God you people need to get a life. She screwed up big time and has to pay the price for it. If this was the business world her ass would be canned so quick it wouldn't be funny. If we were in China she'd be shot in the head.

Personally when you think how much time and effort top level athletes put into training etc, there is NO EXCUSE for not performing with some modicum of what you can do.

We all make mistakes, but when you can NEVER pull it out, you're a loser!

1:20 PM

 

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